hollow-sanity

2010-07-21T08:39:00.000-07:00

How can u really tell that if someone is doing the wrong things ? what if he is doing it out of desperation, and wat is wrong ? when someone is hurt then is wrong ? wat about breaking up with gf/bf ? All i know is that as long as when a person is doing something for a good reason i'm fine with that. But it goes down to the next question that wat is a good reason ? when u don't have a better alternative around the problem?
And how do a person determine which is a better solution ? this questions just keep going on and on and on, never ceased.

wat is your opinion on family ? i don't really like it. i juz feel that as long as there are bonds that stop u from doing certain things, it becomes burden. As far as i have the obligation, responsibility or duty to take care of my parents. But there seems to be nothing i can do about it now. Father always pissed mother off, Mother constantly having the tot of suicide. Somehow i don't feel supported by family, i tried to support them but they never seems to care. slowly, i do not see the point in doing so. Family are suppose to be warmth or comfort? My comfort zone in my house started from the house to my room and living room. And every weekend the only comfortable place is my bed and nothing out of it. Recently, i found another comfortable place, unsurprising, is the highest lvl of a carpark.
And this con't to a pt that i tink being in school feels more like a being in family than home, being around with friends feels more like being around with brothers and sisters. As far as my parents says the door to family will always open for mi, apparently i am stepping out of home more frequently than usual soon it may juz reach a point where is juz wish i don have to be back at all. For the care my parents shown to is becoming more like under observation. Over showing of care has become a burden more than anything, more than A lvl stress, more than study stress more than relationship.

I have naive brothers who think that they understand mi very well, and think that they can tell mi what is right and wrong and stop mi from doing certain things. i don't think they are even close to friends.

My family have become so cold that i think that there is nothing i can tell them about mi and my problems.. when i tell them my problems they will juz say things like knowing this will happen, u should do so in the 1st place. Seriously, this is no help and totally negative add-on. My school canteen auntie and uncle mindset are more forward than them. probably because they work closer to teenager.

Right now, nothing i can do about it, i can't support myself based on my current condition. and i'm determined to work to support myself during Uni.

I don't think my family is screw up, cause my brother seems to be happy being in this "family" is probably mi having too much expectation of family. I must walk out of this "family" instead of them getting out of my little world. In the end, i juz wan to do things my way instead being forced to walk a path with no reason, the only reason is probably because they think they know wat is good for mi and wat is bad for mi.
Whether, good or bad for mi i should exp myself to understand. i prefer feelings than words.

in the mean time.... this ----> :D (may be fake)

2010-06-15T09:36:00.000-07:00

Lets do a inverse countdown... from 2dae 4 more days b4 murong return..hahahaXD
I really miss her so much.. sometimes despite that she will be back without her around is still very bored.. as in when i am not motivated at least i call her talk to her so that my mood will be better esp when i need to study... study is the worst thing that i ever did so far in life esp studying subject that i have no interest in...
ytd watch The Karate Kid..with Zhi heng, Meiqin, Arlha. A very good show to watch actually. Anyway we talk about their life after A lvl.. where are they going to do...and i had this thing that cross my mind.. Singapore always wanted to create elite but Singapore spend most of their funds on education to kill talents. I mean like other then the talents that Singapore wants to create what about those Art talents. In singapore those very Art base talents, are very hard to develop cause of the system.10 years of compulsory education other than that is up to u... that is pretty much crap cause after secondary school only 3 ways out ITE, Poly or JC. lets not talk about JC the other 2 i tink they have very limited course... i mean like if u ever wan to lead a better life in the future of course ppl will usually choose to go Uni to get a degree. Either of the 3 ways if u work hard enough u will get into Uni... as in really work very very work...even for JC. When u go Uni, the course got even more limited. cause the course are determine by Singapore society, u don really see courses that is related to music, painting or dancing. even if u do, is probably related to Singapore economic. Simply because Singapore is a small country the only resource that we have is dadadadada........I juz think that Singapore education system is a perfect talents killing system, unless u very interested in business related topic..

For mi? i choose the JC in the 1st place so i'm pretty much stuck to it so i have to work this through no matter wat...when i saw my friend collected the result some of them are really happy some of them break down some of them just feel nothing about it. At that time, i really wish i can do something about it. So i started thinking to do something about it, but the current mi cannot do anything about cause i'm like them stuck in the system. The next best thing i can do is to climb to the top of the system and start doing changing from there. I have a good who always says that "If u don't like something, do something about it. Don't complaint don kpkb. " I think that is how i feel about it... but all talk no action... haix sucks to be mi...hahaha

For now. I will pick up my SHM notes beside mi and start reading... i should be happy cause i finally did something for 2dae.

2010-06-10T21:58:00.000-07:00

HAha Husky have so many looks.. anyway 18 days have passed since Murong left and 3days since my grandma pass away.

in just 8days so many things have happened, starts with 8 june when my grandma fell for the 3rd time within 6 months. from the second fall i already knew her days are numbered. On the 3rd time i was still thinking maybe not so fast perhaps a few more day. then i tink about it..hmm juz go and visit her while i can... in the end she passed away on the 9th of june juz before the day i visit her. Knowing that doesn't really sadden mi nor am i happy. I juz feel kinda of heavy. Not talking about my weight but my heart. No tears no smile.. anyone who witness death even thought is not someone close people might juz feel this way unless i'm talking about my big bro than probably i won't feel anything only bad memories when i think about him... juz that for mi and my grandma wasn't that close... so i juz felt this way. Good thing is that she didn't die in pain or anything she juz died in coma and she have already made quite a result going as far as 88yrs old. thats on the brighter side...

In this week, i also have a history test that i pretty much...ermm.. think i shan't talk about it...other than all this... this is a very difficult week for mi to stay happy esp when murong isn't around...Only thing i should really feel happy about this week is probably history common test is over..seriously nothing to enjoy about...this week is really DOWN week...oh well, I only hope next week will be better

2010-06-03T07:20:00.000-07:00

juz a pic of husky XD

Yeah is the 10th day already... lucky Husky is with mi if not i would probably die?
speaking of dying. 2dae i was thinking if i die... how would murong feel. She always tell mi "i would be sad"... then i will tell her if i really die.. i hope u will be the one to design my grave hahahaXD...Esp if i die when murong has no idea at all... imaging if she come back happily juz because she missed mi and i dies ???thats pretty dramatic... anyway u won't know what will happen the next second...

I realise i am very sensitive towards other ppl feeling or thought about mi...it is not really a good thing...cause it sometimes restrict ur behavior u were always afraid of things or words that u say might hurt somebody... i mean sometimes there really are taboo for ur friends... 1 or 2 of this is ok... when is too much it gets heavier cause u have to shape yourself to fit into mold... sometime is really hard to breath this way... and thats y sometimes u really need a friend to talk to be yourself

Sometime i really hope my friend or ppl around would just tell mi that there is something that they don't like about mi.. though there are things when is ask to do it loses all its meaning... but sometime i think there is a need ba. some ppl are juz too polite and ppl don get their msg they trying to hint... i not very smart on this kind of things...

and sometimes because of this i start imagine things like "does that person hate mi ot wat" Or is that person annoyed by mi... the best part is that when i ask the person r u ok with what i'm doing some ppl would juz tell mi "oh is ok" but in fact right under his mind... that person is pretty pissed...there are times i really hope that i can read a person mind so that i won't have to imagine things or crack my brain juz to think or feel how other ppl feel...after all i still prefer friend so can practically take anything... well who wouldn't wan a friend like this hahaha XD

whatever it is we still have to be happy to be able to breath other than to breath when u r alone...i think i'm seriously running out of things to talk about.. still, we have to Enjoy the little things in life....:D

2010-06-02T06:48:00.000-07:00

it's been 9 days already... everything still looks good.
My problem never seems to cease and some persisting one look kinda of childish and dumb? i don't know about other ppl cause if anyone have prob they would probably told someone or solve themselves is not really my business to ask around not like i can help them unless is my gf

My problem seems childish because there are a lot of things i know that i have to do rationally but emotionally i couldn't accept it. What i think and how i feel is too different for me to make sense out of it... lets just call it half mature. I think feeling is very impt because sometime feeling are the motivation to push u beyond ur limit because it is something that u wan to do it not u should do it... like study i know i should study but study something that i have no interest is not wat i want as far as they are probably link to my future. Anyway that is just how Singapore system work... study so hard for something that u might not even do in the future

Some of my problem seems dumb because they are problems that seems to be gone but nv and return and haunt from time to time... though tell mi to face it, confront it, and be brave about it.Yet, i always thought all this time i'm dealing with it but seems like i'm still running away from it."Face Your Own Problems" i also know but how???
there are ppl who hold on to their problems for 6...7 yrs. I tot mine is long enough. When the day b4 i start telling my friend the story of my problem i don't feel anything wrong about it as it i don't feel that it is a problem... i think it only hurts when the feeling return.... like i say feeling is very impt as much as thinking

And when murong is always very emotional.. she will always say " well, life is always ups ans downs is like PMS even though u r not girl"

but i think i still like the rule from zombieland..."Enjoy the little things in life"

2010-05-31T22:54:00.000-07:00

Hmm... 8 days has past since Murong left
Well i'm still hanging on pretty well getting use to days without her...
Hmm i kinda realise that i nv really ask her how she notice my existence.. i mean if we are in the same CCA of course we know each other..wat i meant was how did she notice that i am her kind of person... For mi i kinda realise that when mi and her were in relationship...so mine attention for her is only afterwards..after a few dates then i realise that she is cute...

I always tell her that i like her having long hair make yourself look more like a girl...and then she tries.. try to keep long hair wear skirt... until one day she told mi that she wans to cut her hair... so i say go ahead...then she got this really puzzled look wondering y...so i told her that i like u becoz of who u r not becoz of how u look like...if i'm with her juz for her look i might as well juz find any cute girl on the street...this is call playing for "fuck"... anyway in this 8 days i tink i need to change myself for her for everything she has done for mi...at least thats how i feel

i tried something 'fun' 2dae i tried drinking beer by poking a hole below and open the can... the feeling is pretty nice hahaha XD

There is this thought that i have about couple and i think is pretty common among some ppl... When a couple are together and seriously in love they will reach a point where don't will not appreciate each other...well there are a few ending for such things probably break up? or give each other sometime to test each other? or juz leave each other alone for months?... i don know maybe more...whatever it is ultimately...is still about how much ppl wan to cherish their relationship...
i often tell murong that hmm.... i'm not going to leave u unless u wan to leave mi....

No matter what happen whether sad, happy, angry and even feel weak don forget to Enjoy the little things in life... try drinking beer a different way :D

2010-05-31T05:56:00.000-07:00

MISSING JJ CATZ HAVE ANYONE SEEN HER????

Anyway i haven seen the cat for the like a few months already. Although she bit mi sometime but she is nice to play... worse come to worse did she....become.... curry for the security guard?!?!?!?!
Neh i don't think so, the guard her pretty well perhaps she went to look for her husband?? she is something little that i enjoy in life oh well now that she is gone what can i do?? can't possibly look for her cause i still got 'A' ?

Whatever it is, its been 7days already? since murong left.. now that i think of it.. it still feels lonely without her around. At first, keep thinking of the sad past and then got really down don't feel like studying, though i know that' hey is A lvl this lvl gotta study' it just doesn't come to mi. So to overcome i need to tell someone my emotion is a simplest way to get things off the chest.

So i decided to install MSN again! :D
since murong is not around, i have to talk to someone and so i found Zi heng and Arielle. One treats mi like a little brother probably and the other one perhaps one of the key player in his life since he says i'm one the person that he wants to meet in life? And tks to them i've overcome and the emotional barrier. Tks Arielle for her time and energy allllll the while not just this but during secondary school too can't help having this feeling that i'm wasting her time. She is like a lighthouse??? always pointing to mi the 'right' way

As for Zi heng tks anyway knowing u don't really know what happen to mi in the past but tks for the time for listening to thing that u don't really have to... he is........hmmmm eccentric? neh that is the word for mi... hmmmm mature in a different? perhaps? but i got this feeling that he would be a really good friend if i was able to spend more time with him???

come to think of it... i am who i am tks to every single person or animals that appear in my life be it the one i hate i love i cherish i look up to tks... on side notes this doesn't include my brothers cause i simply hate them too much to tks them...just can't wait for them to die or i die 1st...sadist ain't i... oh well that simply shows that how much i hate them.. such hatred is beyond words...i bet my mom will hate herself after she read this for not able to resolve the hate in mi for my brother... not that i will kill them right away or whatsoever...

Anyway is like Forrest Gump said u don't find any good friends from any corner
they are hard to find.. losing one makes mi cherish the next one losing one more makes mi wan to cherish the next one more and on and on and on.... i tink good friend is juz simple those that i feel comfortable talking to de

let mi try recall... My class de got Zi heng i tink him only lah secondary school one
think i lose then all..hmm that makes mi want to cherish the one in JC....oh wait got arielle...hmmm...current class....don have...Aww now then i realise how lonely i am
well doesn't matter...

Whatever it is i will always enjoy the little things in life :D

2010-05-26T07:31:00.000-07:00

I think i should always start my blog with, "Its been quite sometime since i last wrote my last entry". True enough anyway.

Recently has been really emotional, little things like watching Wall-E i already feel like crying. Crying makes me feel weak so i try not to. Reason for bring so emotional may be that i'm just so sick of JC life. Friends and family who sees me will always ask "Why you so sian?" and i will ask them this question "How to not feel sian when u are always doing things that u don't like for so many years". So i'm determined to find out things or jobs so that i won't feel so miserable in the future.

And there are people like my brother or even my mother say is hard to find something like that don't waste your time go and study. I was pretty pissed when i heard that. Is like how can u call pursuit dream a waste of time. If u don't have dream or never reach it, then don't prevent the rest from attaining them. It is very screw up to think this way. They always act like they understand how i feel and tell me to get good grades for your result so that u can find your dreams afterward.However as far as good grades can get u almost anywhere, ya almost. There are places where even good grades cannot get u to. So what do they know about grades. Grades should never be the gauge to determine your future cause good grades does not mean good work efficient.
What if all u can do is to memories, when u go to the workplace, mostly u r to do things only the boss ask u to instead of thinking what to do. When that happens, it just means that u r pretty much mindless or at least i will feel that way.

For the past 2 months, i tried taking video for sports events. Pretty fun but i got this feeling that it isn't what i want to do. Anyway, i learn a couple of things and hear about reality. The reality is that there are some teachers who have this 'ivory tower' and think that they are tall and mighty? It happens when my friends taking video of a badminton game and have this list on whether which court is playing what game. So some HOD took her list, when my friend ask about it, this HOD said,"U r here to film the game how can u not know anything". Well if not for the reputation and good manner i guess my friend would have fuck her upside down. Educator living off taxpayer money yet thinks they are some big fuck. HOD with higher pay simply makes them bigger fuck. Educator of Singapore is not up to standard, not talking about the teaching skill but about their behavior and mindsets toward teaching. Simply because of some iron rice bowl they have doesn't they can do whatever they want. As much as student and teachers can have fun in the midst of learning, mindset of the teachers should be more humble instead of some ivory tower that makes the student look ignorance so that they appear smarter. Is delusional for them to think this way. I think Goh Keng Swee creates a good education system for Singapore. I guess it is mainly the Ministry Of Error and the Educator who screw up the whole system.

Despite so many things around me really makes me feel very sian. The least i could do? Enjoy every little things in life

2010-02-23T09:32:00.000-08:00

I have not write anything for quite sometime but i have couple of things in my mind that i wan to write yet can't really find a good time to write. Nvm i writing now anywhere

Last sat (20/02/2010) i went for this "All In! Young Writer Seminar" alone at The Art House. Might be wondering why i suddenly went for this seminar at some wuloo place somemore. Mainly because i wan to find out wat i really wan. In the past, i tried to find out wat i wan to do but i have a hard time thinking abt, and so my frenz suggest to mi that i should start by finding things that i don like or don wan to do. Although writing is not really something that i'm good at but might as well went down for the seminar to hear those publisher and writer have to say.

Though the Seminar i don really anything that interests mi except for a talk on comics. I meant local comics and from this speaker, Mr Otto Fong i learn a couple of thing from him. After the talk, i manage to talk to him outside the "Blue Room". at 1st i was kinda of shy to ask qn during the talk so i deicde to look for him after the talk. Unexpectedly he is a really friendly guy to talk to, he told mi that no one is shy by nature, for one simple reason, when u look at baby what is your impression, babies cried and smile always trying to reach out for something. So i was convinced. The only reason why people are shy is because of the environment forced people to be shy. don really understand but i juz continue to ask him wat i wan to ask

I ask a simple reason, "how did u find your style for drawing ?" he gave mi the same reason as my gf did.

My good overage frenz told mi once that style is something that cannot be taught, he can only teach mi how to find your own style. I think style mainly consists a mixture of others style or mind. To find your own style, the most direct way is to pratice. Nothing is easy anyway. oh well

that one thing i wan to write

another is something that i observe, usually smart and outstanding people in their workplace are often unreasonable ppl Like my bro or even my sch VP Leow. But they have their reason for being unreasonable, all they wan is to at least get something done. They are the kind of people that are often known as the " Action speak louder than words" kind of people. So usually such people always have a group people supporting them, and the other group always complaining abt such ppl being fuckers.
but oh well :)

Kind of lost track on wat i wan to write. But i guess when rmb one day... Hahas :D

2010-01-04T05:49:00.000-08:00

If u are given a chance, a chance to go back to one part of your life and never return. When will u choose? Even at that part of your life, what will u do. Will u do something different or something similar? Decisions i made in my different parts of life often leads mi to unexpected and undesired consequences. Not that i'm having a hard time currently, just that whenever i look back at things that i did, i kinda feels guilty or even embarrassing. Always unaware of feeling or things around me in whatever i did and say, always so insensitive and hurting someone. At that time, i might just be trying to have fun and be like who i am, only after quite sometime when i think about it. It doesn't feel right. People may just tell that whats over is over but impression that i left behind is still there, it won't change, won't disappear. Those that i harmed or betrayed, i won't even dare to look at them when i speak to them. The more i look, the more i fear, fear of things that i did or how they think of mi. Though i think that is quite late now for so many things and chance that is given to mi. It will takes more than apology or something more far beyond than apology to solve all this bad doing of mine. All i ask, is to be forgiven but how? What i've been doing now is to try not to think about it. I know escaping is not the way out but how? i could only juz say... Sorry to everyone that i betrayed or feel hurt by the words that i said... so sorry

All these gives mi a kind of fear, fear for history repeating itself lacks of confident in things and being with friends. It ends up making mi a bit sensitive when i miss out stuff that my friends did without mi. Starting to feel left out. I always trying my best to not to think too much.

There are only a few friends that i'm really comfortable to be with. Like Zi cheng Derong Ansel so long nv see them liao haha... for is ks, Zhi Heng and clique, Jun Wei and gang... Murong is don't need to say wan hahas

Though saying abt going back in time... it only works when u know wat will happen in the future, Without knowing wat will happen i might still do the same....Kinda sux and the truth sux most of the time

2009-12-19T10:59:00.000-08:00

Is kinda funny for a sudden post like this, i tink a bit too much to say but don know how to.

To think that the time of mi with her had been about 1yr half is all still good. Everything is going good and fast but sometime whenever she had prob and i couldn't help...it really sux.. it really sucks to feel so weak or useless to her... though she doesn't mind and understand but i juz can't help it.i also feel lucky to have a girl like her, the way she thinks and care is different...not like anything i seen among my friends.... thats y i love her :D

But how long will this last i have absolutely no idea... i juz feel that the dist is starting to drift apart... Maybe i have not been with her for quite sometime... as in when was the last time i brought her out for dinner and had a really nice time... always bounded by time and rules... anyway i'm not going to let go because of little things like this...

When i tink abt her... i'm kinda of surprise that for this 1 1/2 yrs we nv had any argument... not even minor ones... this comes to a pt that i started to got a bit worried that in the future we may not know each other well enough and broke off suddenly... when couples argue, words and faces that they don't usually show and use against each other will surface... thats when weaknesses shows... once they could't take it... is gone... simple reason for couples that last less than 3 months... reason being of mi and her that can last till now is perhaps the promises we made...
to be frank... to be true... and take it... don't complaint abt it when i say i don't like ur att and so do i

for other couples... it puzzles mi when i heard of couple that last less then a month or slightly longer... i only heard of reason that the girls is being unreasonable or asking too much or guys juz playing or at least trying to fuck someone... thats all i know...

knowing this much is good enough for mi to cherish her .... :) even till now and future

2009-04-08T07:31:00.000-07:00

Is ok to be reliant
but is not ok to be unable to live without
maybe i'm juz tinking too much
maybe i'm not
but i do trust my feeling of her
stay strong
cause i already don know what i can do
to make u laugh out of cries

maybe it is mi tat distract her
maybe it isn't
work hard
cause is the last yr
is ok tat u don wan to go out with mi and my friend
is ok that i'm the one that is upset
but understand that i still love u
though i called for a time out

2009-03-29T08:36:00.000-07:00

this is wat happen wat u own ppl money... this is wat happen man

btw brian own stewie 5 bucks
Ansel own mi 20....hehehe
juz kidding......a bit lost on wat to blog haha

2009-03-10T12:16:00.000-07:00

Felt like things are getting a bit more complicated...clique? felt more like organization.
Maybe KH is very right abt this or rather definitely he is
i wan to be with you guys because i felt happy abt it.
i rather not point finger at what is wrong with this
i would say different view don come together at all
.....this isn't bad is normal
tian xia wu bu san zhi yan xi

Hahaha
new life ard JJ is good juz don HuuuH Ar think things will work out juz fine i hope
is also the different view come in....but all i can do or rather we can do is to shift every single tot toward the same direction....stay untied is either u wan to make this 2 yrs a gd one or miserable one....

i do believe it will be a gd one....

2009-03-04T04:21:00.000-08:00

it is or isn't
natural to have conflict within clique
i guess it is
but shld i or not to solve these conflict
it seems pretty hard for mi.......okkk think abt it..it is hard
but i seriously don know shld i leave it like this and do nuts is 22 ppl
for now i can only see the one tat is with the gao yi.....
hmm.....one with lyn.....haix wat can i do....
i see lyn one is whereby we are not united and shan say the other one
the gao yi is too tooooo i don know .. i can't find a word maybe......cocky?
hmm ok right word to use i guesss....

wat abt the other one.....no comment on the brink of falling apart
hmm.....no particular reason or i'm not really in to the clique tats y can't tell...
shan say much

2009-02-11T06:15:00.001-08:00

i like the school but i don like my cca
i like my cca friend but is juz too hard for mi
he said...ppl don listen to because of your position
they listen to u because of what u did
if tats the case then what should i do
i think i know why my position need somewhere tat is ethu
but well i'm not the one...i juz couldn't pick up the passion
my kind of spirit to con't to live in this CCA is dying......
but i juz nv like to admit any of these....at the least i know i tried but
it juz don work.....so whats the pt of staying......juz wan to study and move on

tmr got camp so couldn't con't to write the book for u sry
know u won't mind but i'm juz too zi zhe
for whatever happen this wk
so SRY.....T.T
this is the last sry i'm gonna say for this week

2009-02-10T06:57:00.000-08:00

i make her cry thrice felt so bad
T.T

2009-02-08T09:04:00.000-08:00

i know is seriously long since i updated but errrrr.....lets juz skip all those lik go aust went home 2 day hospitalise 4 day arghhh is suck sooooo forget it....

recently a lot alot of bad news going around among frenz....the global...i don wan to use the word world....is like i'm feeling lucky....and feel like a new man with new resloution haha... i don know but tats how i feel right now....ok lets blog

ytd is a veryyyy(thinking for a right word) packed? day.....1st i meet my dear xiao rong...nope 1st i went to eat break fast with my mom and bro then by 2.30 xiao rong suppose to meet mi at my house but for some reason (tks to Ding) she came at 3.XX but anyway i don really mind....

then she came to my house help mi slove some math qn and then by 4? we went to sim lim cause i wanna to check the price for L4D and upgrade my comp RAM .....i seriously like it when we are on the train cause can hug hahaha...and wait we went to funan 1st and realise they don do things lik upgrading laptop and we decide to go to sim lim....(mistake) and we came by a Bangala store...u know some time bangala can be quite reliable so i left my laptop with them to work on....meanwhile we shop around until they call...

after i collect my laptop we went to Plaza Sing to buy some cloth for banner.....tell the truth...i don really rmb much went we are out of the train...but nvm i will juz skip to dinner

by 9? we reach JP yeahhhh....but on the way out of the train her HP fell into the track and i was oooooookkk? DAmn......i will skip this as well

dinner! fish and co....this seriously burn a big hole in my wallet but i think we have a great time althought is very very very tired....i believe she did as well...then talk about our family....the whole purpose of asking her out is juz for this dinner cause i juz wanna celebrate her birthday with her alone......so we did

afterward i sent her home....and stuff it somewhat remind mi of our.....errrr nvm i will juz skip

bb

2008-11-15T12:07:00.000-08:00

reaching home at 4AM WOW.....there is still more i need to work tmr as well but not whole day hehe...but i also got nothing to complaint lah since i wan it myself felt a bit regret but is ok

juz now when bathing have some stupid tot but i tink y not juz write it down:
ok love is lik 2 people taking a knife and stabbed at each other....the more u love the other the deeper the knife goes....this is not the main point...the main point is when u start to care less for the other party or not loving as much as beginning....the knife is slowly pull out....and tats where it hurts.....the stupid is tat when your knife is only half out and u are afraid to lose the other party u will ask him or her to lik "plz don pull out yours". it felt lik being an asshole when u rephrase again " u pain nvm as long as i don pain can liao"....so i guess nid to have some equal love for 2 people.......i guess people might not understand this is purely because not el sux
hahaha .......till next time

2008-11-09T02:30:00.000-08:00

好啦老子比较傻傻慢慢的
如果有什么搞的你不高兴还是伤心的地方还请多多包含
人家都已经有了归宿了。。你这个笨蛋还担心什么啊
她只不过是一个比较难忘的可恶回忆罢了。。。
就好像一片放了好久的VCD 一样。。
无聊的时候放出来伤心一下下。。。
一个未完成的东西。。。怎么能说了就了呢
不过。。唉呀。。无所为啦
还是喜欢你的。。。在加上我已经答应过你
"我是不会放弃你的。。除非你不要我了T.T"
也希望你不会

2008-11-03T10:53:00.000-08:00

它是个不存在的东西，它一直一来只不过是我自己一厢情愿想法。但是我绝对不允许这种不存的东西应响我现在所拥有的一切。一直以来，我好像为了这种不存在的东西感到非常苦恼。现在，回头看的时候，哈哈感觉好笨哦。不过说是这么说啦，它始终还是变成了我的致命伤。可是慕蓉，你不是一个替代品，你是我的希望。所以，你千万不可以离开我

hmm.....haix guess i am very timid.....till next time pretty tired le

2008-11-02T04:19:00.000-08:00

痴情者都是白痴。
就算痴情也要有个限制吧。
以为已离开的过去。
不会在回来了可是我始终还是放不开
感觉好笨啊
难道昨晚的梦就已经启示我今天所会发生的事
说实在的
我还真的没有办法给我心爱的人真真正正的安全感
这让我感到又难过又内疚又无能
要是正的发生什么事的话
你又会原谅我吗?
那我自己又会开心吗?

2008-10-19T03:49:00.000-07:00

ok very nice
What is retain?
in the eye of the school it juz means tat they don tink u can survive well on J2 and die-ed horribly for A therefore they retain
in the view of a student is juz another wasted yr or some even think tat their life is ruin
.....
however i respectfully disagree with it.....i take this as another chance given. at the end uni is the only way out if u can't kill "A" beautifully. think twice then
if everything goes well don miss mi cause i'm not dead yet. if u seriously miss mi then ask mi out sometime for movie also can lunch also can. But i think probably nobody would cause i know J2 is not a easy yr.....
farewell to my Auxilion members
hmm.....actually i'm kind of sad for Murong lah because she needs to wait for mi for one more yr sry eh
anyway....whether i will retain anot still have to go through Mr Koh 1st so still not finalise yet
whoever reads this plz don spread....don think this is a blog thn u can spread....my blog is not known to too many yet....juz keep this to yourself plz tks....
till next time then

2008-10-12T09:03:00.000-07:00

Oh life
feel kinda being no life eh
seriously if i am going to blog everything out there will be love lost
so i don know wat to write in blog
if i gonna blog my day is boring even i felt that as well
wat for?
wait maybe something interesting going on in my "room"
i meant my bedroom the place where i usually sleep
i actually found ways to get myself into dreams when sleeping
but is not a good feeling cause is always bad dreams.....
i tried thrice and i got it all the time so i juz stop doing cause i going to affect
my tmr
for the 1st time
there is this window tat i usually don open which is facing my face when i'm sleeping
so there is once tat i open cause i'm juz too tired so i open the fan and window and i felt asleep at 11.30+ alot of things happen every dreams is talking mi running out of breath dying out when i finally woke up from my own dreams it was only 12 tot it was 3+ but it is not.....so quite scary....guess my room have a lot of prob ........anyway i'm fine as long as the my door is close window is close mirror not in my face i should be fine when sleeping......

don know wat to write maybe....i wan to type some random words ..............
wired tusk in a silent way over the rainbow lucy in the sky with diamonds xiao rong
cong bao jiong Orz lifeless getting darker xiao ??? world dimension decode
omega serious? kapo gross?? fear paranoid soda coke pieces crazy??
sticky finger hermit violent smog prejudice untrusted believe? black thought
bloody future giving up is tat my limit ? alone no longer study? y shld i?
fight rage anger unable weak nature gods? myself movie promise
war childish spoilt giving way choices..........................till next time

2008-09-29T06:36:00.000-07:00

i finally rmb one important thing i muz say abt watching movie in the cinema.....
2dae i watched painted skin which quite disgusting in the sense tat the demon peel off the skin when she dug out the heart and eat.....tats a bit gross but over all is quite nice can watch again with other frenz....anyway tat is not the point ....the point is tat when watching movie with Mr Chu there 2 china man seating beside us can hear the cheena slang very clearly was talking rather loud like nobody business tk god some guy behind ask them to shut up...but do they know their hp have a function call "silent on" i was wtf still switch on so loud .....this is not the 1st time already esp china ppl they talk damn loud spoil the atmosphere haix..........

2008-09-16T07:47:00.000-07:00

my mind is seriously complicated right now
Murong plz nothing will happen to u
i don really believe in god but if there really is plz
keep her away from harm
there is seriously very limited thing i can do
1st: i want to kill the guy that got her into trouble
2nd: hope for ur safety and life
3rd: believe inu as always
4th if something really happen that u must break i will wait for u

i m very worry about it
in the past i don really felt all this feeling tats y i always ask about it
to ensure
but now for the 1st i felt it
i do love u ok
no matter wat happen plz don leave mi............

2008-09-11T05:35:00.000-07:00

2dae didn't really go so well only at the end lah......
haix got blurred and mess up a lotsa stuff
felt almost worsen the relationship....but i guess it didn't at the end ba
haix come nick i have to ask her if something like tat happen ok
i'm sry ok.....u might wan to know y Murong hate u...because i believe she didn't feel emo
and she did say abt it......so u add on a i ps her thing stuff and emo but in fact she didn't felt tat way
haix i wouldn't wan to say anymore is all cock up due to my STM.....i'm Sry alright

2008-09-09T06:04:00.000-07:00

Which Immortal are you attracted to ?

Dark Angel - He cant help being bad, its his nature

this is juz some kind of quiz i tried...cause i got really bo liao

http://www.quizilla.com/quizzes/2579023/which-immortal-are-you-attracted-to-lenghtened-version

try this for fun is u wan....

anyway promo coming everyone is panick like mad....but i don know y lah as usual i don feel anything it is everytime until during the paper i can feel the pressure there a bit lah....i don know i did study for it but i don have tat kind of strong motivation ...haix lik that how to survive.....haix

Murong i've given my trusted ok hope u given yours to mi as well.....but i'm sort of paranoid lah...scare this scare that got worried for little thing around me some time but ok lah i do believe u anyway so hope u understand....alright....and i love ya

also the time at carpark hor....can don mention anot...if u don wan ppl to know....i don mind ppl knowing but i think it left u only lah ok....don i really don know y leh....i blocked the sun for u i nv kana sunlight thn u kana.... haix muz protect ur skin liao ar if not lik mi from white skin become black ....anyway u got chance go back china to recover the skin lah so i think ok de lah jia you don die to fast 2night is the last time u will be seeing ur WR liao after that is your OP le btw i might need your laptop for this....haha love u as usual

2008-09-04T06:58:00.000-07:00

juz one day is hard to bear yer know....for not seeing you not even hearing your voice only sms....even behind every sms i am always hoping plz don overstress out yourself i know all your relative are looking at u for results......for all i can do is to support u deep down in my heart...plz don die out for all i can is to leave u in peace... perhaps i have been a bit selfish this few days i don know...but i know wat u seriously nid now.....for u i can give this feeling alright don feel too much abt mi ok......if i can't even tell what u nid...and i even have to ask u for it....then i'm a failure of being ur bf ok....don think too much focus wat is in front of u and fight for it...

seriously after this one day i think i can live without u for the time being wait till promo is over we can go out as much as we like ok

JIA YOU BA !!!!!

2008-09-01T06:48:00.000-07:00

there are things i shan't say juz in case she kill mi ......
u know the 1st time is very ps and shocking
but i don know i very slow until next day than got feeling haix maybe mind blank
but really lah is addictive in the end... hope she don mind .....

anyway is holiday if don study will mati muz study arr

oh ya i rmb wat to write le
tat was on friday.....teachers day celebration....though i went back to the sch...as usual lah gopal is still scolding ppl all the time....but in the end the sch still sux after all but some of the teacher inside rox....this stupid black thing...better appreciate tat this good teacher are staying in ur friggin sch.....Ms Ang in not there liao T.T

thn after tat i went to watch WALL.E with my old god sis ......WALL.E cute and touching and aiya don know how to priase the show lah

after the show i was very tried and wan to sleep liao thn i think and think maybe i shld look for Mr Yap after all he is once my teacher lah ...so should pay him a visit...but thn hor also depend on her lah but luckily since she at reach home late y not bring her there for a date....

on the train very romantic but i shan't say much....abt it cause really nth .....juz trying to create a mood to slp ....

thn after jiu reach Yap shop liao....when i went in someone called my name thn i was like what the fishing hell.......everybody is there....yt yq sebas tl vera kf.....WAhhhhh a bit sian but a bit glad to see them lah......sian in term of my date is ruin T.T...glad in term of i saw them.....nvm i had fun there anyway...wilson is so violent sia play until yq hand bleeding....haha lucky nv snatch with or else i also kena....thn after there everybody played warewolf......at 1st i'm cupid...after tat i keep getting warewolf wah so fun sia can kill ppl hehehehe but always die quite soon as it went on....keep playing and playing thn have to send her home

i was quite shocking on wat she did lah.....but is sweet lah hehe

2008-08-30T18:51:00.000-07:00

crazy friday
lazy saturday
stupid sunday
revival monday
some tuesday
cozy wednesday
sian-est thursday
long friday
.
.
.
.
.
my following day and theme

2008-08-28T07:47:00.000-07:00

风远远地吹着我的脸我的手我的发我的心我的眼睛
你远远的呆在那个城那个路那个房那个灯那扇窗口
我静静的放着你给我的cd音乐当作背景
怎么唱
都不再煽情
我记得你习惯闭着眼抱着我好像我是你的脸笑嘻嘻
我不知该如何对你笑对你哭张着嘴不理你像个机器
你的世界我的日子好像没有谁对谁发过脾气
过的太快,
来不及
唉哟……
你说你说我们要不要在一起
柔情的日子里
生活的不费力气
傻傻看你
只要和你在一起
我说我说我要我们在一起
爱你不费力气
不像现在只能
遥远的唱着你

song listening while typing this post since so long update le hmm....wat should i write...maybe i shld tks someone 1st for all the care tat i erm.. can't really rmb...erm the tea the hug the kiss...wat else yer husky my jacket ur un-bra la....mmm.....yer time and definitely yer love...

okok
tmr cher cher dey....yuen yuen zai singing yeaaa unbelievable
got shang liang san jie mei,,,hahahaha
nth much recently lah
live as per norm
nth special hmmmm
a bad time to update my blog eh....

2008-08-19T12:37:00.000-07:00

i saw him ytd....the guy who got mi regret for a period of time...
there was a time i "saw" walk to the other part of life and i know his life might be half ruin....and i didn't help him...i got to admit... he is a very smart guy but it juz got wasted
he is consider one of the good friend ever since i went into this stupid secondary sch

until few days back he talk to mi on msn i was a bit shock cause we were lik lost contact for quite some time already thn alright talk to him

thn saw him ytd he somewhat look different already but i knew he is going the right way
u take care too.........

2008-08-16T08:58:00.000-07:00

it all started for here
寂寞开在心事旁
随手种一些伤感
不让星星来窥探
找个沉默的夜晚

找个沉默的夜晚
不让星星来窥探
随手种一些伤感
寂寞开在心事旁

我的关怀方式是你无法察觉的悲凉
只能在你不经意时才锁上我心房
你往常的亲切友善是我今生的遗憾
受伤后无悔的
埋在不流露的脸上

2008-08-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

mi "The Lovers" u got to be kidding mi
and u "The Star" haha
i was hoping for the "The Fool" or "The Hierophant"
too bad tats not the case
since it is choosen ever since the day i was born.....

2008-08-12T05:32:00.000-07:00

math die liao loh nid 70plus mark to pass...haix gd luck to myself loh
anyway erm ytd? i think so i spend my time at JR hse with MR in a room HEHEHE
T.T i kana rape by her ...T.T
no lah juz kidding it should be the other way round ooops
hahaha
anyway i went to his hse juz slack juz wan to spend time with her in a quiet and peaceful place in the end it turn to be gd enough for mi as for her i'm not too sure....on the way to JR hse...it really bring back alot alot alot of memory very location i seems to have a story to tell her....pass by a park i think of mooncake day sounds funny but whatever....
pass by pri sch...i got a story to tell to say how fun was it....these fun memory is still fresh i really wonder how much my pri sch has change some ppl went back is to look for teachers but for mi not all the place to mi i got a bit feeling with tat place....after all i spend 6yrs there which is rather long for mi
compare to the sucky secondary sch i really don wan to go back unless is to look for teachers i don really mind but all the teachers there tat are gone i see no purpose going back
ok back to the main story
thn i pass by row of houses not HDB flat ar is the 3 floor hse tat kind tat i was lik....JR is damn rich i muz say......

thn me and her went there stay in one of his room which i don really what tat room is for..but tks Jr u rox as ever....

anyway after the stay i went home with her taking 99...thn i got this urge juz to hand on to her hand...juz hold it there...is enough to lik make mi really happy when she is beside mi ......i juz hold on to her hand and she lie on me i was really hoping tat this can juz stay on fair enough the bus ride is long enough so actually nothing to complaint....tks MR for making my day and trust mi i do starting to love u more

2008-08-02T09:12:00.001-07:00

oh and suddenly i ask myself a stupid qn....
what is love?
HAHA
is a kind of trust?
is it ur care for one?
is it one's willing to die for the second party?
or am i juz too young to ask such a qn?
i don know?
it juz had no ans to mi right now
it doesn't matter anymore
...

2008-08-02T09:12:00.000-07:00

i should have notice it.....is lik my mom said if none of this had started.....none of these will happen....after all she is still a girl..
y so emo.....come on i not suppose to be emo anyway ever since i know the past is sew and sealed
i knew i somehow failed to understand her feeling.....but really this few days i somehow sort of can't be bothered with anybody feeling quite bad of mi eh....
but wat can i do....
PROMOS 6 wks later....and i can hardly pass any test.....this had turn my heart upside down....
but really ar after reading her blog i juz don feel gd as well alright come on i'm sry..
plz do understand abt it i really nid the time....
is lik i neglected u or wat....
i also realise this in the 1st place and i even ask u abt it....
u also understand it....
so i'm letting go of my hand slowly but steady....
i knew u can walk by yourself....
but it doesn't seems to be the case now.....
----------------------------------------------------
juz cut out the emo-ness i juz hate it.....
alright
clear throat*
i do really say sry
becoz i knew i somewhat sort of neglected u
even though i'm with u 2dae
but for some reason i juz wan to ask u out becoz i do missed u alright
i miss tat warmth in ur hand u know.....
but bear with it alright.....
take it as a test.....
SO SRY
after exam...i promise everything will be back to normal.......
but if u fail...
it juz shows tat our relationship is only this strong....
wat for continue....
right?murong

2008-07-24T06:20:00.000-07:00

the sky look like crying but it is not raining.......only at tat moment
everytime i know wat is going to wat happen to mi if i don study and pass my test
but there is always a but...no motivation haix

2008-07-23T06:49:00.000-07:00

terminator rox

2008-07-22T07:30:00.000-07:00

ytd really sux but 2dae still alright
i seriously hate this postiton as BUM under e-club as it is pronoun as bum (ah duh)...but i like it when it is call EG president..but is juz name....what a sad case tat EG is under E-club this is a tragic man......

ytd i happen to go to e-club exco meeting is so fun and funny....i was there listening to the update from other BUm and i was lik ok juz listen...on the face i got a really listening look but if u can see the face nv change cause deep down in my heart i'm sleeping ZZZZzzz.....after everyone updated thn comes to mi...and i didn't have anything much to update...juz telling them wat they wan to know....thn until Bu 6 (i'm bu5) since 2BUs are selling foods already and BU6 a rooftop cafe...wat really making mi laugh is tat the other 2 BUs already selling some food tat a cafe shld sell except for drinks...this seriously make the food above quite sort of limting but not excatly also....

so i was wondering y muz cafe always sell food and drinks can't think anything out of the box lik add boardgame lik the decoders cafe since LN got boardgame....but i better stay out of this business since i don really have anything to say

but i was having some nice time and resting time inside the BMC lah

hope no e-club member willl c this later spread out i happy liao hahaha

2008-07-18T06:26:00.000-07:00

Impression is only a moment of mirage
that is enough to blind you till the true colour of the impression is
finally shown

though i'm the kind tat believe perfect ideal human and human can live and peace kind of ppl
but i'm always overthrown my own thought yet i always tell this to ppl....a team can't have anyone tat hate each other everybody love everybody....but however i do dislike someone in the club juz tat i don show juz hoping tat it will disslove by itself *shoo shoo* juz give it some time

listen to other ppl problem is gd...if u can solve it is even better cause at the end of the day u will learn something.....but i can't even settle other ppl problem but i helping others....sometimes i do really wonder what the friggin hell am i thinking...

2008-07-17T07:49:00.000-07:00

wat i'm gonna to write might be disturbing for u Murong

...............................................................................................................................................

actually i tot i have really forgotten her since i have murong with mi already but i realise human brains r no computer....wat hurt u the most the scar will always be there to remind u wat happen in the past life really sux but tats life...especially there is this particular song, tat brings back the deepest memory in the past...i always the kind tat forget my past and look forward....but HER is the last thing tat i will forget....which i really hate it.......nothing could have happen if it nv started and now i'm regretting now like an ass...when i look back i was like erm....alright wat is so gd abt her she sux and worth forgetting y should i even rmb her for a moment of period i did forget tats y got this assumuption tat i have forgetten her...in fact i didn't...i forgotten her even b4 i knew murong..... after i knew murong it should be better...it does in the 1st place it doesn't now i guess...for whatever reason i don know is perhaps the song...tat song always ring the deepest memory within........ohh this really SUX wish i will nv see her again

......................................................................................................................................................

okok back to normal don emo all the time...
tmr actually i can go to Hua Zhong so tat i can skip lesson for some exhibtion.....but wat reall reallly fuck up(not meant for scolding juz to show some agony) was tat tmr got Mr Yuen class...because he is the one tat choose his "player" i and not choosen T.T y mr yuen how could u...so sad imgine the BUM are there but i'm not there.... walao it sux haix ....alright nth to complain abt in pursuit of study T.T

and gd luck to Ying Quan for the SAGE compeition

2008-07-16T06:35:00.000-07:00

YEAAAA peace no SPARTAN no WAR no ARMY no WEAPON no SWEARING juz shut up
haix wow i got alot more to post but i really really hate it tat i have to post things tat happened recently but yet long (1 2 day only lah) yea

somethings when i got nothing to write in front of this laptop i juz keep making stupid sounds lik haix watever yeaaa arrrrrrr ermmmmm....... etc basically this are the sounds make in the process of writing

few days back i went to take my O result and realise teachers are shifting away from there the only one tat left behind are the black and chinese teacher mostly the last black juz don give way BALA.....y..... muz he die b4 he got carried away in his coffin away from this "corrupted" school
every year also say wan to go liao in the end extend extend extend and extend nv ending extend he can juz basically held his funeral there fair enough crap....but since i'm out of there, there is nothing i can do but juz really sux lah...felt pity for my gd old frenz stuck inside ....oh great...but nvm

2dae was quite a day sucky at 1st not bad in the end....i shan say the sucky part cause is meant to be forgotten....wow i can't believe it i happen to talk to EG member lik some kind of meeting haha so fun but haix juz really really hope tat all these words got into their mind or else is lik say for nothing...come on this better work well baby......y can't people juz understand each other more.... less conflict less war less trouble....come on people u r going to the society soon....lik it or not face it.....u can't change anything tat u don lik....of course people won't mind when the thing: money comes along

oh the most unforgetable word is tat i say shit for some stupid reason and got ban from the game walao.......i can actually swear everything out here right now ar....but i don wan to make it look so ugly but i will still do it.............................walao kana sia fuck the swear word lah wa piang yyyyy did i use the frggin bloody disgusting word instead of words lik waste or fertilizer AHHHHH i can shoot myself at the head where all the fucking brain juice flew out.....phewwww
is nice to let in out.....this is a blog man

2008-07-11T23:54:00.000-07:00

well what do we have here aCTUALLy nothing ......
i love one piece
i love murong
i love eg
i hmmm........myself
i love nan quan mama
i love soda green
i love music
i love my phone
i love my headset
i love my laptop
i love every little nice thing tat appear in my life ........

2008-07-08T07:20:00.000-07:00

things started to change ever since i got my headset wahahaha
u know this few days without is really miserable like no music thing beomce slow
always feel tired wanted to sleep....now
recently i've been dead head fred a really lame game with alot lots lots of fuck shit ass bitch motherfucker son of the bitch bullshit assdick lots of swear words as u can tell with juz only a small part of the script of the game

and the interesting part is tat everytime u died he will comment on it lik saying " see u after the respawn fuck face" or " thanks so much for sucking " or " screw u".....etc

so the main frame of the story is about this private dick call fred...tat got killed and got his head chopped off but a scientist name ferdrick steiner decide to play frankastein...or fred in the end fred on have a jar of gin with brain and eyes in it

so the whole story is about head trying to find his head back from the guy pitt tat killed him.... but the process is interesting...nice story line the concept is quite interesting.... the game play is about changing head different head have different ability though some are quite lame but is nice lah lik skull head have claw stone head can knock down wall........but if don have to patient to play the game u might juz give up cause u might juz think is a waste of time

hahaha

nvm actually i don really expect foxy to rmb the day i return her tat favour is the one month tat i;ve been with her so ya

foxy this is a coincidence i don know abt it but isn't it romantic....tks tat got mi close to heart attack... but next time when u return the favour don faint hor....haha

2008-07-03T05:55:00.000-07:00

k i'm in a season of flaring up k
k so don come and ka jiao mi too much k
k cause if not i might juz got angry and do whatever an angry is suppose to do k

k this juz sounded like Mr Yuen cause every begining and ending of his sentence u can expect hearing ok or k

nvm this is juz isn't a nice days for mi so juz leave mi alone for the time being juz give mi some peaceful world this season might juz go off....perhaps is due to too much testrone (is it spell this way or juz other words but nvm is juz a biologcal term) i don know.... hot blood .?...but is juz something tat happen once in a while

during this season there was always time i wan to shout at people but i'm a nice guy ( ok sry) for some reason i will control but the urge is so strong i was stuck in between which got mi really tired haix

rest more but i don tink it work out well i shell try again
i might juz got my gd mood back .....

2008-06-28T07:06:00.000-07:00

i'm juz lazy to blog
but i juz write wat i wan to blog
...........................................................................................................
every action every words every thought every feeling tat a person give is equal to the impression.......but instead it tells mi whether tat person is gd or bad...shld i trust tat person or not.....is lik i'm a bit too caution abt ppl betw ppl...u don know when they will sabo u or...i don know but i know tat when u smile or laugh it lower the other people guard...but know the right time to laugh of course......everything i saw heard or i ask the person to do....i will think abt it thn guess wat kind of peoplr he is but there is only for reference so i nv know wat will happen i juz keep tat in mind
............................................................................................................
it is home alone 1 tmr and home alone 2 on monday and i promise my mom nobody is to come and i have to take care of my pop de fish and his Gumanthong....haix ok juz pray hard tat Gumanthong don come and disturb my slp....if he is to disturb he will have to make do thn
..................................................................................................................
is a warning, future or is it juz a dream

2008-06-24T04:28:00.000-07:00

ok begining of term 3
i have nothing to say cause
i tink
it juz sux

haix whatever is juz some opening line i nid b4 i started any other crap....but in fact i have no crap to write cause this is all the crap i have to write hahahaha okok i'm juz being lame

erm.....this wk and nxt wk and nxt nxt wk
all i have is test test test and prac test
wat can i do
so currently wat i have in hand is hmwk
haha happy liao loh
sian

2008-06-22T08:38:00.000-07:00

haha 2dae i return the kiss meaning on her birthday
she can expect something else...hehehe

anyway i had nth to write cause i've been slping all times

but i wan u to listen to this song 明明很爱你

(女) 有多少人在旁邊　我們都視而不見彼此卻忍不住多看幾眼　感覺強烈
(女) 已經微笑的放電　已經暗示到極限沒勇氣的人猶豫的瞬間　幸福就飄過面前
(男) 我平凡無奇而妳　像燦爛星星　讓我擔心
(合) 明明很愛你　明明想靠近
(男) 但是你的身邊有人捧花總是擁擠我憑什麼一一打败情敵敢大聲說要做妳的唯一
(女) 我的唯一
(合) 明明很愛妳　明明想靠近
(明明很愛我　明明想靠近)
為什麼還要再浪費時間不把你抱緊
(為什麼還要再浪費時間不把我抱緊)
夠真心　才是最厲害的武器
(夠真心　就是最厲害的武器)
我會拼命讓你更滿意
(你要拼命讓我更滿意)
(女) 講配不配太俗氣　說愛不愛要問心愛由我們自己決定不必理　跌破誰的眼鏡

y this song becoz i find it better when we still unsure of weather we like each other or not...this is when love is the sweetest but tks the some guys ar this ended very fast.....i do like the time when we are still unsure of each other but felt as though there is something common between us.........but wat over is over.....now is the best for us...now

2008-06-21T07:57:00.000-07:00

wahhhh

sweetest birthday ever tks so much Murong i nv felt so happy in my birthday b4 cause in the past is all juz either celebrate alone or a few cards....in the past i always thought tat was enough...but 2dae is really very touching....is so great tat i don know how to express....(rmb i could hardly cry anymore).....

aww how sweet can it even get when i send her home is even sweeter

i promise i better much more surprise birthday for u beware of heart-attack....u should how unexpected i can get hehehe

well i lik the doll the keychain the lolipop the cloverleaf and .....the kiss

2008-06-19T09:00:00.000-07:00

i juz made a very bad joke with my girl juz now....i told her in msn....lets break up....
hahaha
i almost made her cry i can imagine her teary eyes.....so sry my bad......but i have a reason for this...cause my mom was lik over paranoid with mi having a gf anything tat conern mi she always thought tat it muz be because of my gf tat causes it then got angry i mean lik wat is wrong maybe isn't really over paranoid is juz too worried cause she juz don trust mi... though she everytime said she trusted...but i nv tink tat she trusted mi cause she had never prove to mi tat she trust....too worried perhaps but i tink....i will juz stick it paranoid for her.....

but nvm so i tink this "break up" is lik a make up story cause we are still as close as b4....to my mom more happy though i don tink it does cause her worry nv ends...but gimme a break...on a second thought she is going genting to have fun soon so i tink i should juz make her happy a while...haha haix got a too caring mom is nice but not everytime or juz tat i don appreciate it.....

so b4 i can explain i played joke on her....so to make up.... i once sent her this sms
背对这现实只要天真的活下去你所担心会失去的梦想绝不会消失因为你有我
i tink of sending her this because i saw her blog...come on Murong u gotta to trust mi...i say it i mean it......hahahaha

so 2dae hor i missed my guitar lesson on the second time i was damn emo the whole time loh but when she hugged mi i realise i still got her wat is there to emo abt haha but nvm this can't carry on i have already missed 2 lesson con't already nxt time i'm juz gonna to set alarm clock .....

this is the 1st time i wrote this blog damn fast cause i took 3 mins writing all of this
hahaha

2008-06-14T19:56:00.000-07:00

ok
i haven blog for quite some time i guess so is time wahahaha lol
this is juz random nvm
well in this part of life is call " happiness" ok i know this sounds lik Will Smith in " the pursuit of happiness" but nvm is juz something happy this few days

cause got u Murong u change my life......at 1st i tot i was juz thinking too much tat u lik keep sticking to mi.....but i didn't start off with liking u...i start off with u looking abit strange...after the singing i feel positive abt u..... until the day u say u lik mi.....i decide to go for it...cause i really positive abt u... in the end...i'm right abt myself...cause i'm starting to love u...and ytd i manage to take the 1st step to hold ur hand i felt so sweet back there till 2dae i become ur bf......till now it felt as though i know u ytd.....juz one day nv see u also missing u alot already.....

the only sad thing is...when i hold ur hand till halfway Jr sms mi.... but don worry Jr i nv blame u for tat cause things has started the moment she accepted my hand.......

now i can happily say tat...
" oh Murong ar....ya i stead with her"

because of her trust i nv dare to lie to her and nv ever thought of betraying her....cause her sadness in the past will become the happiness she has 2dae

okokok
i'm starting to feel mushy liao......enough liao
if not i might juz write crap

2008-06-07T18:24:00.000-07:00

ytd greatest day of life tks to her hahahaha

2008-06-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

you have been to a forest
and there is this flower that strikes you recently
you will create a most unexpected history in the world with the flower

sounds lik some bedtime story to mi lik those in fairy tales....but juz interesting haha...whatever lah

ok....now i'm picking up new life nothing is haunting mi anymore cause i'm on track already...something new is coming out hehe........another chap in life is going on

2008-06-03T07:14:00.000-07:00

well i'm starting to feel lazy to write blog but i will juz try to write when i feel lik.....
the day b4 i happen to fullfill one of my wish which is to have a taste of the fried ice cream at cold rock it taste damn gd....btw i'm eating bubblegum favour with mashmallow, gummi bear, nerds and MnM..... and the taste is unbelievable it juz rox man and the shop have a name for tat combi of things mix with the ice cream is called "break the law"..Woho suprisingly it doesn't melt fast...it take quite long to melt.....however the ice cream is damn damn damn EX....it burn a big charred hole in my wallet.....but it juz worth it

thn the nxt day have lesson thn interview for my leader stuff.....thn went to EG room to help out thn afterward this is when the fun starts coming in.....i watch Indiana Jones with one of my my EG mate and a teacher..... (if u r reading this tks so much for the treat got chance i treat u back)....
btw the show is a old classic since its last movie the last crusader...during tat time all the effect is lik very fake and "retro" but till now the style of the story is still almost the same as the previous 3 movie but nowadays tech getting better all the CG getting nicer make the movie more "realistic" can't find a word to describe......thn after dinner stock up my supply

thn till 2dae haix......i too "in" to EG already feel lik everyday going to EG room can see all my frenz tat WOO.....i should feel very happy abt it YEAHHHH :D ok tat was really random.....
oh ya 2dae i juz knew the pokemon song is satanic if u were to play the song backward u can hear things lik i love satan satan is god etc and Jay Chou song de Jiang Jun if u play backward u can hear the starting got words lik this song is nice......hahaha sounds very interesting eh ppl could try u really have nothing to do eh

2008-05-27T06:24:00.000-07:00

wahaha cold ar Brrrr~

needed to wear something 2night haix
man i so "LUCKY" 2dae tio singing...still ok with mi lah but fine
is a performance abt my CCA which is EG club
and i nid to sing Guan Huai Fang Shi with a girl gd luk man
2dae rehar... the girl don know the lyrics i have to sing the song out haix
but nvm....in fact i lik it...ok nothing kp abt NXT

ok nxt thing is the line camp.....wah.... one of the worst camp..... but i should be expecting it already....since she is in the same group scolding mi here and there lik nobody business.... haix good grief can't she be a bit more nicer or polite is not lik ....hello i have no pride order mi all u wan... OI WTF is this... but i knew this is camp.... juz becoz OGL she can do this....other OGL don sounds so harsh on their fellow facs....haix....there are a few times i feel lik slapping her already...but i manage to juz put up with her keep everything down i juz don wan my camper to c something lik this....but ok at the end of the day i somehow manage to cooldown but if i don write this out i will nv feel happy abt it..... haix nvm road is still long juz take it but not too hard....
NXT

i got alot of things to write but i don know wat to write let mi thing....Oh ya... my cousin he suey suey kana dengue but when i go visit he look perfectly fine to mi but juz careful with mosquito bite nowadays NXT

oh ya nth already haix till next time

2008-05-11T06:15:00.001-07:00

okok
now is the season of chocolate night tks to the wind...
the place i'm staying at is sort of opposite to an industies estate so there is alot of factory out there....so during this period of time the wind is blowing toward my hse direction.....
in the morning u smell pepper
in the afternoon u smell burning rubber
in the evening u smell chocolate plus burning rubber smell
through out the night is chocolate smell
haha sweet dream....even dream of eating chocolate

Anger isn't something to control but is something to vent but how u do so depend.....ppl tat can vent out well are ppl with very good charater
ppl tat don vent out well meaning they can't help it
ppl tat accidentally vent out means u have break tat person patient

for mi i don know i don lik to feel angry....but i feel disgusted by whoever i felt so

2008-05-11T06:15:00.000-07:00

ok YTD was school talent time at NTU auditorium it was fun and nice except my frenz wasn't high enough...but is ok as long as the shows rocks and i like it is fair enough for mi....and Ying Quan u rox too as the MC WoooOO....

but wat happen after the show wasn't quite nice a.....

after the show i took photo with my class but i lost my other frenz so i look for the rest of them...during the search i got myself injure (Ouch!!!......the process i don wan to say much)...in the end i got a deep cut on my right eyebrow....at 1st i it was juz some blue black...thn i keep covering it...until i felt my hand quite wet...then i realise it bled......it juz keep bleeding thn a kind dude pass mi some kind of restaurant tissue...to clear the blood and i ran into the toliet when i look at the tissue it was all blood i thought it was very deep .....when i look at the mirror i find it ok....at most a scar there.....thn i keep looking for my frenz but it juz keep bleeding until i went home and treat the wound......somewhere during the night the bleeding stop cause even my pillow got blood haha

but at least is fine hahaha felt a bit sick

blood haix

2008-05-04T05:40:00.000-07:00

i realise one thing fun abt mi......i'm easily affected by music....strange? i don know....
but i know i lik it....is lik every song i have already listen...becomes a memory to mi.....
wat kind of memory....?
that will depend on the time i listen to tat particular song.....lik there is one song call "green" .....i listen it during 2 period of time one i don feel lik writing.. the other is when i was reading a comic... everytime i reading tat comic i will listen to this song... thn when i heard this song it remains mi of wat happen during tat 2 period of time.....

the truth is always so denying....to wat u always believe.....sadness after happiness always make happiness lik a dream......bad thing things always have a greater impact than other things

真实试听

2008-05-02T10:49:00.002-07:00

i find it hard to lie to yourself when u got somebody u lik and thn u keep telling urself u don lik anyone....soon very thing will go numb.... is lik trying to lik holding your hand by the vessal on the wrist soon blood won't flow... ur hand go numb lik how the feeling go numb.....but even if u let go.... the blood won't flow to the part u wan to... tat is when it hurt the most......what is the best....is tat in the beginning u don even have to hold on to the wrist....forget abt whatever memories tat haunt u

失忆试听

词曲：周杰伦

我书桌上的香水
你沉默的背对
只剩下那一点点
还是闻得到从前
西装里的口袋
我整理过的爱
又破了那一点点
我帮你补了誓言
从没实现的摇滚梦
我也陪你走好多遍
断弦的吉他
始终弹不出我要的答案
我和你拼了好几夜
约翰蓝侬的图片
却拼不到一个永远
我在等你喊停
感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试图让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好
感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友这是借口还是尽头
西装里的口袋
我整理过的爱
又破了那一点点
我帮你补了誓言
从没实现的摇滚梦
我也陪你走好多遍
断弦的吉他
始终弹不出我要的答案
我和你拼了好几夜
约翰蓝侬的图片
却拼不到一个永远
我在等你喊停
感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试着让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好
感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友这是借口还是尽头
感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试着让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好
感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友这是借口还是尽头

2008-05-02T10:49:00.001-07:00

i'm freaking bored right now man....

i juz don't know y......this time i went out with her felt as though like i juz knew her not long ago as if the time went back....is not a bad thing but i really do miss tat feeling... no matter what kind of things i only believe the starting was fun and the middle and the ending i felt sick of it....haix..... somewhat felt sweet lah...haix great... what did i tell myself? i don wan to get into any extra relationship lik i did b4 things were nv nice in the past.....and by the way tks ar.....

haix juz writing wasn't enough..... get rid the feel but i missing her already.....already felt lik some kind sick guy....

2008-05-02T10:49:00.000-07:00

不该结束试听

窗外的雨停了天空还是灰的
因为爱情也停止了回忆在播放着
在笑容里停格画面会永远留着
给多的是付出少给的不算输
感情不需要胜负我给了你全部你还是想结束
我说你永远幸福快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束
付出多才会了解什么是幸福快乐的开始祝福的结束
快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束走到了末路还是会留下祝福
我会牢牢记住你给的全部的全部

窗外的雨停了天空还是灰的
因为爱情也停止了回忆在播放着在笑容里停格
画面会永远留着给多的是付出少给的不算输
感情不需要胜负我给了你全部你还是想结束
我祝你永远幸福快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束
付出多才会了解什么是幸福快乐的开始祝福的结束
快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束走到了末路还是会留下祝福
我会牢牢记住你给的全部
喔~ 快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束
付出多才会了解什么是幸福
快乐的开始祝福的结束快乐的开始不该悲伤的结束
走到了末路还是会留下祝福
我会牢牢记住你给的全部的全部

顺时钟试听

城市里灯火都熄灭才发现我们让自己觉得很累
我总以为我不会变天真的想用钱换一切
原来我却早已经改变为什么我们用沉默去面对
人与人的世界充满太多虚伪指针的世界现实的饶圈
在顺时钟里不得不往前活在这狗吃狗的世界
想要慢慢逃避开喧哗的斑马线慢慢了解慢慢能视而不见
我们用傲行的笑掩盖一切要怎么才能找到过去简单的美
才能够流下那单纯的泪长大以后我才了解
是自私让彼此更疏远怎么找到过去简单的美
才能够流下那单纯的眼泪我们就像童话的世界
国王的新衣总藏着浪费 OH NO YA
活在这狗吃狗狗吃狗的世界当日子一天一天改变
早已经快忘记从前那张笑脸就许一个愿是否能实现
莫名的泪早流出双眼我们都活在狗吃狗的世界
想要慢慢逃避开喧哗的斑马线
慢慢了解慢慢能视而不见我们用敷衍的笑掩盖一切
要如何才能找到过去简单的美才能够流下那单纯的泪
才能够流下单纯的眼泪长大以后我才了解是自私让彼此更疏远
怎么找到过去简单的美才能够流下那单纯的眼泪
让一切都能多纯粹 YA OH~ 让一切都能多点纯粹

2008-04-24T06:13:00.000-07:00

i do believe in ghost but i don believe in god but......now i do cause...how to say ar.... i saw one myself.. every scary moment i felt at night i always tot is a dream or nightmare....but it seems like that is not the case since the truth is out ...... haix i can't believe..... but i don wan to talk abt it anymore

everything nid time eh....can't keep up with the study??? i have to give myself more time i guess.... lets see how it goes thn

2008-04-22T05:04:00.000-07:00

the feel is wrong.....i don know wat to do wat to say trying my very best to help her but in the end i felt so helpless...wat is wrong....i don wan to see the mi in the past neither do i wan to see something lik tat on other ppl plus is my classmate.....all the emo, arrogant and other bad thing i see in my classmate.....r more or less i carried once with mi. but they are no longer with mi...no becoz i know my mistake.....is becoz i know how i feels when someone treated u badly lik how the way ppl do.....watever bad feeling i felt....i try no to pass it to other ppl....if someone were to lik angry with mi...i felt bad.... so i don wanna to feel angry.....i know how is it to feel lik being framed......watever happen i look in depth after surface no ans until i find out myself.....whenever i'm angry i try to laugh.......can dis last i don know.... see how it goes thn

2008-04-02T06:09:00.000-07:00

i don really don have things to say but thoughts will stack...after settle into this new class...i do lik this class ALOT....cause almost every lesson there are entertainment no matter by mi or by my frenz i do feel lik a class much better than i felt in primary school....i wouldn't consider sec sch i have a class....at most frenz....haix...but still there are conflict haix read my msn nick u will understand....... this few things really hear alot of things lik i don lik tat girl i don like tat guy too annoying ...a bitch.... blah blah blah.....but i'm lik used to it....cause somewhat i come to a point tat i longer find reason y i should hate a person...instead y not tell tat he got prob if he don change no choice leave it be....cause i already started hating ppl during secondaryin this 4 yrs i know something i don have to hate i can ignore....but i won't ignore y not try to change tat person yourself since u r the one tat notice...being in a class is lik a team nobody should left out anyone....so don hate help...somewhat i sounded really naive...haha...but i learn one very important thing in JJ .....whatever happen don complaint don blame whatever u lost take it as a lesson or think of something tat u might get in return tat are of advantage of u basically optimistic......

this is juz a thought wat is the further thought tat this thinking can get ...and what is meaning of "further of this thought".....haix ppl do say i strange well maybe i am in certain things but most of the things.....u wouldn't want to know what is further in in mi

i tinking of studying psychology in uni....provided if i can get in...but my bro say no future haix....

2008-03-26T08:15:00.000-07:00

T.T y no sell green apple juice i everyday also the apple, the floor, and the unknown 2 lines
haix...man i sounded so crap lah.....

finally i'm getting the hang of chemistry except for the 1st chap.....somehow i don't missed anyone lah gd ting i almost forgot i got a second bro cause his lik gone for quite some time to overseas and study.....
always feeling lik quite guilty cause i my LG mates went for CDAYL and i didn't because i don wan to lag out of my study....is a gd reason lah
but thn felt lik betrayal haix.....knowing my limit but i can't do anything shag out,,,even though still feel guilty unexplainable feeling juz felt so crap......

can tell lah this entry type for the sake of typing

2008-03-24T06:15:00.000-07:00

PRIDE meaning People Rest I Do More......lol sounds really right but in fact i tink is right....haha

this few day really confused with so much work...actually not alot juz tat i don know how to do is lik...actually there is only 8 qn but if u know how to do if should take long but if u don know how to do.....1qn can actually take 1hr haix....now i'm starting to think i'm like trying ti kill myself no A math no pure chem and phy...haix tough ar

but thn if i can pass this within this 2 yrs life will be much more easier......slacking for too long liao lah....suddenly lik very serious so not used to it.....

i tired enough to thought of crap.....suddenly 3words came into my mind Apple, Floor, 2 lines....what are this....i tink of Apple is because i wan to drink green apple but thn the shop no sell....the shop tat is beside Ya Kun....60cent a drink...thn i lik sad lah T.T....but thn still tinking of writing of new MSN nick thn i tinking of Apple....thn floor is because on the way home i keep looking at the floor thn thought of floor but thn how does 2 lines come abt i don know ...funny is really random words

2008-03-12T05:56:00.000-07:00

i'm finally back from the LINE camp....which is camp to train leaders....mi and my fellow facilitator are to to fac them they were like aged from pri and sec sch.....they were lik so CUTE...
ok lah to mi the word leader always sounds lik arrogant to mi so i hardly lik to use the word "leader"unless the leaders are very good...but so far my family head so far i still fine with him in fact i tink his a gd leader.....

ok 1st day of my camp...is actually a trial camp+ leaders camp to train us....so actually we facs went for a extra day and we were trained for one day....so during the my 1st i won't say much straight into the main tink

2nd day
is when the campers came so we family 2 and we call ourselves F2 were preparing to welcome anyone tat steps into the school thought we are suppose to welcome campers but we were so anxious to see them every passer-by we saw we will singing cheers or say morning so either say "WELCOME TO LINE CAMP, THIS WAY PLEASE" as we shake and swing our hands...this action will look really dumb if u do it alone but is lik so cool when we do it as a team....WOOO

after assemble is sing cheer small interact with the my LG ( leaders group)....so mine is LG8888888888 WOOO..after this is MASS DANCE one of my fav events so b4 we facs can enjoy ourselves we muz fac the camper to find a partner of the oppo gender... the sec sch still al right with the ting cause their tink quite mature...at least much better thn the pri sch student they only partner with the same gender haix but can't be blame lah cause pri sch i also lik tat....but thn some managed accept this so as of us the facs lead by example is actually alright for us lah instead is lik quite nice for mi lah....keep dancing and shaking until very very shag out but we can't show our tired we can only say........so after this is lunch.....best ting in lunch is tat one of my camper is very picky abt the her food and only eat a few spoon of food thn don eat liao haix tat is tiring best part is we muz eat with all the hands of the tied to the hand of the person beside you and eat so this means right if one were to eat right....he will pull the string and hurt the rest so imagine if everyone were to eat at the same time...it is chaotic there are even camper tat cry becoz of the pain...at 1st i was rather angry abt this idea but wat can i do...all i did is to keep quiet...though we meet for lik a while but is heartaching to see them in pain lah
haix....after lunch is telematch but however is rains so sad for the pri school student going for the wet plan lor cause they were afraid tat they will catch cold as they are lik still small might get sick easily....so haix in the end they left their stuff in the grand stand so they wan to washout b4 they enter the air conditioned hall...but one ting is the road to grand stand there is no shelter haix in the end they ask for umbrella... though it sounds really stupid lah cause they were lik already wet liao but since they ask for the umbrella as a facs....i respect them....so i ran lik a dog around to get umbrella when finally return they already gotten their stuff under the freaking rain...haix even i'm frustrated i can't show so i stay calm try not to complaint cause i choose this road myself.....so hor i will say until here lah

but thn really is gonna to be tough if u wan to be a facs....but the rewards really i unmeasurable

2008-03-05T05:27:00.000-08:00

is lik quite long since i last blogged but this few day is really a big U turn in my life....felt as though i'm back to oringinally what i'm actually am...tks to JJC and most important of all my OG(Pei Jun, Mun Kit, Andrew, Kenan, Nas, Ahn, Mel, Rachel, Bao Xian, tats all i can tink of) and OGL (Xu yao, XinXuan, Hui Tsz, Zheng Tian, Shakina and one tat only came for on day during the camp Jia Liang)...........finally i'm forgetting what is behind mi....look at myself again i felt as though i'm looking forward....while in the past i'm lik walking forward but facing the past.....
but somehow this big U turn is a bit too much ....tat during outing with my old frenz they thought i'm crazy.....in fact maybe i thought so but i can't help it lah the camp is too fun tat the fun side of mi is on the loose......but somehow i still have this phobia of liking somehow....afraid i might knocked into the wall again if i do so....but i know now is juz to look forward 1st.....

2dae for the 1st time i tried Air Rifle....cause i intending to join shooting club but the club don intend to accept each and everyone.....so i decide to try my luck and went to the trial for 1st time the result looks gd but to the ppl there i don know hope is gd as well...is i'm able to get in lucky for mi .... if not i tink i might to join E-gaming club....

being in JJC is one the luckiest i have exp ba tks everyone for helping mi no matter in tat JC or not...but still feel guilty tat i Pai Seh Wilson alone in PJC aiya ps lah

2008-02-15T09:46:00.000-08:00

maybe she is right....i'm juz making my world complicated but there are things i realised....there are things tat i don wan to believe there are things i don wan to admit...denying all of them....but i know one thing....if i don deny them things can get worse....i rather my world being this complicated thn facing them....if i were to face them not juz mi ppl around mi might juz get affected...only way is forgetting them...close to impossible yet possible.....wait till school started...everything might juz changed....guess i juz have to bear with it as long as no one invoked my prob...things should be fine....even if someone did so....i will try to stay normal...haix

2008-02-14T03:25:00.000-08:00

even 12 noon seems too early for mi.....if lik tat carry on if school starts i won't be able to make it for any of it i guess...everyday seems so normal to mi even CNY or even 2dae de Valentine day everything seems to be moving forward but i'm still stuck in my own world..... guess i nid to move a bit more body getting weaker day by day....

2008-02-03T09:07:00.000-08:00

haix nv lik cold weather tink i'm getting a flu soon
guess i will maybe find replacment in my job for the last 2 day but in the end i can only find one on tue haixx...whatever

all i can tink is signing haix....

maybe stop blogging for the time being till i know what to say or maybe ...whatever

2008-02-02T10:21:00.000-08:00

Brrrr~~ really cold 2dae...yet i'm juz in my boxer 2dae....

well didn't go anyway 2dae accept returning uniform to my neighbour still in my boxer but i did wear something else......

ok keep watching this anime call Wu Di Kan Ban Niang (Muteki Kanban Musume) showing on SCV soon....but i find the char quite well drawn in my eyes...and i decide to watch find it very funny....abt this Poster Girl named Onimaru Miki working in her mom shop....if u tink tat she is weak....well she is damn strong....

keep seeing ppl saying tat i'm juz making my world complicated...don tink the dark side...i can't say she is wrong or maybe naive(sorry i will take tat back)....but there is what i saw....samething goes on....i'm not u...so maybe u got ur thought right it a way but it juz don work on mi....so in my eyes if things were really that simple...puzzle pieces would have fallen into their places automatically and ppl would fallen into each other trap a few million times.....so haix.....你认知的理所当然不适合套用在我不要拿你的宇宙一味套在我的地球 ok?

2008-01-27T11:17:00.000-08:00

well i done nth but watch The Mist 2dae

so quite a nice show but i tink hardly anyone would like the show ba....
the show is quite disgusting as in the gore part.....i wouldn't say much but if interested watch it urself.....but somehow i feel tat this show the main part is human....is juz show tat what will human actually do when they are hopeless...and living beside death....what they do???
they will actually do anything tat is inhuman to keep themselves alive.....lik i always believe ....human are evil by nature...it only matter how evil u r???

one last thing when human have no hope and totally nth to believe in they choose death but don do so cause death doesn't solve anything is juz only a selfish act

2008-01-26T12:42:00.000-08:00

左手边窗帘拉开了一些我的房间我的身边多了一些光线

一瞬间瞳孔缩小了一些

我的房间我的身边充满鲜艳蓝天

右手边音乐放大了一些我的房间我的身边多了一些气味

一瞬间心门拉开了一些

我的房间我的身边充满想像空间

best describe 2dae morning

everyday i care

everynight i cried

everyday i fail

everynight i tried

is juz when i wake up this morning

everything seen to turn their back on mi

best describe almost everyday of my life

what is my world finally coming to...felt as though i'm losing every interesting things all left is black and white....i wouldn't want to say who is causing this cause when i said one...tat person will pass the fault to the other what is left when nobody want to admit....i can only blame myself for knowing these bunch of ppl...can't they juz stay away from mi and mind their own business....i juz can't wait to start afresh is some other place maybe poly or JC i don't know yet ......

also deciding to end my job as a decoder soon....

drawing the last line of everthing...maybe there isn't a last line for me to draw...is juz tat i'm juz tinking too much abt these ppl...

all i can say tat these 4 yr isn't going any further ppl tat i cherished in tat 4yrs had already lost contact however some still left but guess i'm losing them soon as well

2008-01-23T09:21:00.000-08:00

haix ytd already have this thought in mind i don feel lik seeing any of my frenz YET.....but 2dae when ask mi go out play pool i lik tio jam....thn for while jiu " ok lah go, go loh" at 1st still wondering did i make the right decision.....after tat on the way i saw Wil thn somehow didn't feel so sian abt it lah....so still alright this thought didn't turn out to be anything bad

thn went there saw Andy and Ansel playing pool.....played for a few match already feel lik sleeping thn still went play bb make mi even sleepy thn wait for KH and YT de water....wait until lik wah....noword....if i nv ask them to help mi buy drinks i would have went home already but no choice wait....can't blame for a couple being so slow....haix...

thn tmr take result somehow everybody were scared but for mi not YET maybe right b4 the hr i take my result or the moment thn my leg will start to shake haix

so i have this thought y not when i take the result thn don see keep it somewhere safe thn chiong for one day thn see the result at least i wouldn't feel bad abt what i got or rather not so sad....

2008-01-22T09:29:00.000-08:00

ppl say time can heal wound no matter phy or mental at 1st i believe...now i don't
or is it juz tat i have to wait longer......if it does this wound is deep enough for mi to wait this long
or this isn't the cure to my wound i don't know....if it does, this wound will leave a scar......if my decision of trying help but put u in misery instead then i'm guilty and so sorry..felt so weak whenever i can't help the person i wan to help or is juz tat there is something i must give up in order to help.....if u started to hate mi because of what i did, i will felt worse than whatever that comes to mi b4 no matter is the "her" case or any bad feeling tat i felt b4....cause u r my dependence....if u r happy then i will be happier than u

haix....one day nv go emo i don feel gd....wonder since when i picked up this funny habit...nvm
obviously still working as decoder but sometime is quite tired till i forget or rather lazy to write a entry but better than no write at all.....actually in this job the best part is seeing the customer having fun...tat is the kind of satisfaction in this job but the worst is teaching moron games.....sometime u will wonder "this game so hard meh" or juz tat my explanation not good enough...whatever the case is the reasons takes 50% each.....

this few day so addicted to soda green but i can't find any of the album...haix....but can't be blame they are not tat famous yet...but juz makes mi wonder.....singer from got soda green got such a gd voice yet other band with lousy singing can get famous so fast... funny

2008-01-17T07:09:00.000-08:00

a delete function for my head so as to forget everything tat i don lik to remain as memory...but i know is impossible leave it to the time...

but i realise sometime when lying down on my sofa staring into blank while my hearing song from MTV from my TV feel very relaxing...when i woke up i will have this thought lik "am i forgetting something?" is nice to have such feeling....thn sometime i hope i knew places tat is damn quiet yet got ppl walking by where ppl only mind their own buiness....maybe places lik play ground....1st thought came to my mind is Pub but too young forget abt it....somehow juz can't describe how i wan to place to be like....

at night can't help feeling so weak....haix

2008-01-15T06:30:00.000-08:00

haven been blogging for a long time cause i got no prob with my life and actually nothing to blog abt.....so nothing much to blog so write a few happening this the past few days...whr i am "lost"...

ytd i saw a girl which somehow i don know lah complicated feeling but juz a stranger...so i juz took a few glance of her and i notice she keeps looking at mi....soon i realised she looks lik someone i know yet i don know basically i don rmb...so i don care...but...nvm too embrassing to say....so until Dhoby Ghaut she alighted and i nv get to see her again...hiax felt i bit sad but nvm things juz go and walk away all the time so i will leave it to fate whether i will see her again or not.....

so being the Decoders for quite some time already but yet still feel unfarmilar to the work somehow ...but ok lah haven seen any ppl for the past 2days so sian whoever reading this plz try to come to The Decoders Cafe if u are free is such a nice place yet nobody wan to come haix....

realise something ppl tat look down on board game are juz worthless ppl tat can't move their mindset away from the classical game like Monopoly which i think is getting mono.......

thought of a few movie i wanna to watch .....i wan to Watch CJ7 another stephen chow movie on alien which a can laugh for mins after watching the trailer

and Sweeny Todd by Johnny Depp abt Todd being frame and went to jail...when he is out...he seek for revenge of the person tat frame him but can't so he open a barber shop and start killing anyone tat step into tat barber silently...and the body is sent to a lady tat made pie so can guess what happen to the body eh

and the mist....not too sure of the story but i find the trailer interesting

Kung Fu Dunk by Jay Chow nth special but feel lik watching the show after watching the trailer

Jumper...this movie is abt a group of ppl tat is capable of teleport and they were known as the jumper....sound nice the trailer is cool.....

and i guess there are some prob tat i think i should keep to myself....lik hu am i having prob with...haix always wanting to write such a thing but after some entry find out tat i attached more prob with myself instead have to restrain from writing....

2008-01-06T07:44:00.000-08:00

白日出没的月球
我要的只是自在的露水
在夜想走的时候不要扯他后腿
我要的只是适度的吗啡
在病人该醒时候不要继续麻醉
我要的只是脆弱的蝴蝶
在山崩地裂时候不要逼我面对
我要的只是坚固的堡垒
在我该躲的时候不要继续侵略
肉眼看不见的宇宙白夜黑昼一样走
夜晚抬头发现月球比找到星星的多
而太阳当道时候光芒彻底遮过月球
月球尽管做得再多一样是没什麽用
我要的只是时机的正确
你的自大自以为只是我的轻蔑
我要的只是累赘的瓦解
你所有真知灼见只是我的可悲
我要的不是争个错与对
在我崩溃的时候麻烦请你闭嘴
我要的不是讨个是与非
在我无言的时候拜托离开我的视线
肉眼看到的宇宙迷惑於发光的星球
观赏的人没有错不能察觉的太薄弱
你照你的方向走只是不能让我感受
你认知的理所当然不适合套用在我
我要的不是敷衍的安慰
用错的对待反而让我心情脱轨
我要的不是肤浅的赞美
看不见你心里是否真的这张嘴脸
没错你说的全都没错
别顾哪个谁怎麽说
你就活在自己的井中
别看哪个风怎快活
谁怎麽说谁怎麽说
没错你说的全都没错
别顾哪个谁怎麽说
你就照自己愚蠢过活
这样走下去绝对不会错
我想要看见你说的草原
而不是一片遍布荆棘的荒野
我想要看见你种的蔷薇
而不是一束枯萎殆尽的花蕊
我想要看见你说的蓝天
而不是一道没有雨水的闪电
我想要看见你落的白雪
而不是一滴融化成血的眼泪
肉眼看不见的宇宙白夜黑昼一样走
夜晚抬头发现月球比找到星星的多
而太阳当道时候光芒彻底遮过月球
月球尽管做得再多一样是没什麽用
不要拿你的宇宙一味套在我的地球
我的地球怎麽运走不见得跟着宇宙
总躲在太阳背后怎能看见你的脸孔
总是选在白日出没谁晓得注意月球

无与伦比的美丽
天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
你若担心你不能飞
你有我的蝴蝶
天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
我若担心我不能飞
我有你的草原
耶～耶～
你形容我是这个世界上
无与伦比的美丽
耶～耶～
我知道你才是这世界上
无与伦比的美丽
天上风筝在天上飞
地上人儿在地上追
你若担心你不能飞
你有我的蝴蝶
嘿啊~嘿啊~

四季狂想
才说过节制　
却想着电视
口袋的双手　
又眷恋不诚实　
太过放肆
秋天推翻了潜意识
和夏天误导的地址
所有不和协的位置　
都放下了矜持
春风吹散落的宣纸　
还留着冻结的墨渍
虚构世界里的影子　
而在你眼里只是
NOTHING TO LOSE
撕裂的矜持最后都成就你的光鲜
尊严像一片是非　
说了又吠　
错了又愧
虽然眼前是没有降落点的抛物线　
我不管明年四季的更迭
仅扣着现在的圈点　
疯狂地肆虐
走过冬夜的沉潜　
春雨灌溉你的脸
就像秋风摘落叶　
夏艳一样会妆点

相信
我会永远相信最後一片落叶
无论什麽世界
东风藏在眉心
我会永远相信扎入心的水滴
在另一个世界
晴空布幔拉起
总是得到很多
多到麻木自我
竟然差一点就忘记
手掌里要有更多呼吸
曾经失去很多
多到放弃自我
黄昏最後一盏灯亮起
来得及撑开眼睛
地球偶尔太大去练习
沙滩上海浪留下痕迹
剩下心和自己有时太安静
自己都不敢看自己
我会永远相信最後一片落叶
无论什麽世界
东风藏在眉心
我会永远相信扎入心的水滴
在另一个世界
晴空布幔拉起
只带着皮箱流浪
装着自己的灵魂
背对着那个人怎麽想
张开翅膀飞翔
我会永远相信
开始掉下的泪
你和我的世界
痛褪去更清晰
我会永远相信
不完美的完美
不管什麽世界
距离不是距离
我会永远相信
最後一片落叶
无论什麽世界
东风藏在眉心
我会永远相信
扎入心的水滴
在另一个世界
晴空布幔拉起
我会永远相信
开始掉下的泪
你和我的世界
痛褪去更清晰
我会永远相信
不完美的完美
不管什麽世界
距离不是距离

2007-12-29T10:33:00.000-08:00

i can't believe i'm such an moron to go and smell pepper.....it felt so damn irritating thn anything...almost drop my nose...

after ytd entry i went to slp....thn when morning i woke up everything is gone....think i'm too tired ytd tat mind got a bit out of hand....so things didn't get any worse after all....is abt myself...
so 2dae back to the "No Life No life So Boring Life" style....a dream life style for every lazy bug...so Eat Play Sleep.......in fact i played the whole day....so ytd night i found out tat i'm very weaked minded at night....very vunerable to any feeling tat come into my mind...and give in easily.....so if at night i happen to talk any stupid staff to anyone plz forgive mi....if can act as if nth happen...which i think most of the ppl are best at.....

been playing this game called Disgaea : Afternoon Of Darkness....is a story between the demon and Angel.....so the story abt the Netherworld in Chao becoz the ruler of the Netherworld, the Overlord is dead....so the Prince which is the main char called Laharl has been put to slp for 2 yrs.....so the King died during his sleep....and the Prince(actually a brat) intend to get the throne back.....in the midst of this throne war.....an trainee Angel called Flonne...is sent to killed the king which she didn't know is dead.....but she realise tat this Laharl has no love because he didn't feel sad abt his father death in fact his happy.......so this cute Angel decide to find out whether Demons have love in their heart or not and followed Laharl..........

i also find something funny abt this game.... Laharl is afraid of ppl being optimistic saying words lik "World Peace" the most dreadful word to him is "Eternal love" which almost killed him....and his afraid to see girls with sexy body...and he said to Flonne "with side note girls with flat chest have absolutely no effect to him" hahaha one of the funniest part.....

2007-12-28T11:57:00.000-08:00

i'm so scare right now...i'm so scare tat i will fall into the same hell as i did b4....i was lucky tat i managed to get out of it when i'm so deep inside....with the help of my best frenz..but this time if i do again is the end.....if i did no one can help mi anymore...not this time round....even the most trusted person i have can't get mi through this time....i juz managed to get a bitch out of my life now juz by stupid rumor another bitch came in to my life....i have to stop myself from falling into tat hell......or else i don know what will happen......

really got so tired this few days didn't bother to write out anything anymore...so when i'm not i will try to write something out

2007-12-25T12:20:00.000-08:00

Well....ytd got too wear out and too high after saying merry christmas around the MSN i kinda fell asleep...so basically ytd at De Coder's got a party which is really fun and tired i shouldn't say much abt it...cause i don rmb much.....i only rmb 2dae morning (tue morning) something really strange happen juz creep mi out alot...around 4.55i woke up at my Big bro room finding my right hand full of mosquito bite itch until cnnt so i went back to my own room to slp....nxt morning my right hand are clear of bites not even a dot.....thn whats nxt...the laptop and PSP are back to the place b4 i bring in to my big bro room.....can't longer tell which is dream or not

lets not say anything back

i realise i really can't stand girl crying...not tat i hate seeing it juz tat i will be lost don noe what to do when i see one...haix...not juz girl ppl also i can't stand juz tat girl will make mi more lost ....haix....

2dae i found the 1st girl i liked so much...not in term of love but frenz....maybe not frenz something further but unrelated to love in fact i wanted to tell her tat long time ago but i didn't scare she will be hostile to me...chat to her is nice spill my heart out....well the only person i will tell her everything...no matter lame stuff or things hidden ....hahaha glad tat i met her don tink i can find another girl lik her.....though she doesn't know she can means this much to mi.....but i find her beautiful 2dae....and manage to tell her tat hope she doesn't get any wrong idea...think she won't....hahaha.....and tk u so much for being such a nice ***-***

so 2dae after work i went home while the rest enjoying their christmas at SENTOSA....for mi i watch I AM LEGEND with someone....so nice show worth watching and touching for girls perhaps i mean sad....and last thing Will Smith is cool and the rest find out yourself

can't believe i wrote this for one hr

ok 2dae after work

2007-12-23T10:02:00.000-08:00

this morning i mean afternoon when i woke up i ask myself what is the date 2dae?.....everything b4 felt as though i'm dreaming....meaning i not totally awake all this time.....till 2dae or rather this 2 dae i keep sleeping tats y i got nth to write ytd.......so 2dae i felt so awake ....and everything i look back is clear now....face whatever i have to face.....forget abt whatever i have to forget....felt a bit brighter......

so tmr (now is monday) they will be going to Sentosa to have fun but i don want...firstly i got work to do secondly i don feel lik going......SENTOSA = So Expensive and Nothing To See Actually......even i want to go to beach i rather go east coast or west coast.....so have fun ppl....and thridly i don have to mood yet....

so ok i'm running out things to write

2007-12-22T07:49:00.000-08:00

Actually i got nothing to writing for 2dae think i juz happen to know tat i too tired with too much thing needed a break

2007-12-21T10:54:00.000-08:00

this morning when i woke up....i felt as though i'm sick of this life....it was 10 something.....so i continue to lie on the bed hoping tat my days will juz past...until 3+ mood start to lik turn a bit better decide to wake up thn go online thn Andy talk to mi on MSN but really in the mood to talk so i juz entertain him.....from tat 3+ to 4+ i felt so lost juz lying on the sofa looking at the ceiling....empty mind....until abt 5 thn ihave to get ready for work.....thn ya go Newton

5th day at the De Coder's Cafe......so at the Cafe is the only time i felt so alive when there are ppl...so played game with them laugh with them...2dae i laugh so much tat i don rmb when is the last time i truely laugh out of fun.......though we are strangers but we are all human....so blend in quite well have a fun time...until 12+ i have to get to usual work lik clearing the cup and plate cleaning the sofa.......tats when i start to return to the same mood...

thn...sometimes night....i felt so funny...tat i wanted to give up everything....frenz family but not my bed wanna to lie down there when i wake up i don wan to see anything i only wan to see the end....i don noe is it tat i'm too tired or side effect tat i lost something so important to mi b4 so suddenly or i juz stress out...felt as though i can't hang on anymore...thn nxt morning i don felt so much.....maybe i wan to try to lie on the bed for the whole day not doing anything except listening to songs tat i wan to listen......haix i can't say what is it anymore

2007-12-20T09:47:00.000-08:00

Wah wanna to shout out loud somewhere.......getting too much thing in mind no space liao lah...sound as though i got stress...but i also what i stressed abt...haix...nvm ba...this blog will be my shout...

sometime i feel lik wanting to fall from high height.....back landing but of course in a way tat i won't die...somehow feel tat is gonna to be fun....to mi signified fallen to hell....haha but i wanna to try so for the sake of fun...

actually when on the way to library i got this very funny thought....i wanna to be blind for one month...i wanna to see how it feel lik to be blind not able to see the world but to juz feel and hear.......cause this kind of thing nobody will understand unless u r the victim this applied to almost everything in this world.........cause u r not the victim...so u won't unless u r the victim once....haix funny thought i got all the time...but thn if no write i also not happy for certain reason

ok lah 2dae fourth day working at De Coder's Cafe....night shift 2dae sort of busy haix got a bit wear out.......thn in my shift happen to see one chio de call Cally not bad lah but thn hor haix....feel a bit unreasonable but whatever....so ok work till ten went Ansel hse rot...thn go meet sebas and Wilson talk abt things and encounter during work tat we don like...ok tats it i don wanna to say anymore thing haix haix haix

2007-12-19T10:03:00.000-08:00

somehow this feel day very stupid lah....i'm getting all kind of sickness back....juz got this feeling..i'm gonna to die young....1st thing every part of my organs are lik pain for at least 10 time a month tat doesn't include sex organ.....thn somemore weak heart.....plus easily blackout sometime when seat on a chair for too long thn stand up....eyes lik go blank thn leg go nua lik falling on to the ground....somebody call tat ping xue.....don really what is it but whatever...short life is better cause u suffer less.....althought ur life can be a happy life but no matter what u will suffered once in ur life...

somehow this few 2dae getting a bit less tolerance to nagging.....in the past when my mom nagged at mi i usually don give it a damn...now whenever she nagged i lik ticking bomb...will explode anytime.....tat is one thing i don noe what is wrong with mi...now i know this have nth to do with her.....keep getting unwanted prob sian-ed.....but maybe it will went off someday..also 2dae i wait for my for half an hour+... in the past all the KNN CCB already out of my mouth liao but now......not even one swear word of my mouth......maybe i too angry to say anything...cause no matter what words i scolded can ease my anger....but haix i don know lost in my own life....AGAIN....

ok finally i reach the nxt epi of my life after the love epi now what......insanity epi no way my blog call hollow sanity...(empty sanity) how come still got sane.....ok i got a gd name....rebellious epi.......

LIFE:;;;:::

3rd day at mr yap cafe.....so ya no ppl again until closing to the end of my shift thn got ppl somemore 2 chio bu out of 3....wah on a row lah keep seeing chio bu....ok lik only entertain myself nia alone see chio bu no fun....muz see with frenz thn fun haha

thn after is the waiting for half an hour+ period....wah.....the anger juz keep building up....will lik walao....on at point of time i already DL to the max liao....but when see them i also sian liao loh no mood to angry liao or i don know lah....haix...

after tat went to Airport to see someone i not very farmilar with is Mard....but whatever lah someone i happen to know....juz call it my frenz....thn when see her thn went home thn blah blah blah actually tat part is cersored cause if i were to write it up ppl will start to take whatever object tat is capable of murdering.....or assinate mi....so for the sake of my life cause i still want to have more fun so i can't yet....

thn i start to get this funny qn in my mind...if i can choose when i'm gonna to die.....when will it be?.....so ya maybe ppl will choose as long as possible or as short as possible for mi....i wanna to die nxt yr feb 1.....i guess is a nice day to die in....cause i knew by tat time i already have enough fun and thats it...the end....hahaha sounds as though i'm a crazy...but tay juz a thought...after all i scare of death so i wouldn't die so soon unless is for someone tat worth it

2007-12-18T10:02:00.000-08:00

i don noe how to start for 2dae but wah so happy 2dae.....is my luck turning ? i don noe i only know HAPPPPY......ok 1st thing 1st....after sending the girls back talking to them a bit abt got income no income got job no job.....gd chat....give mi a lot thought to write for 2dae hahaha

ok one said working is for exp plus income...ok i agree to it but....this exp are juz...erm too little to become of a help in the future i don mean is totally useless but the time when this exp are needed are rare....because the exp we get were blind from the reality.....i saw the truth of reality...when last yr working at my bro there...even ppl are united in the office there always cold war...no juz ppl sabotaging each other or having or even office company between company....maybe i shouldn't say much abt it.....but personal view after all

ok the other said work for the sake of income so that her parent won't control her by using money....ok tat sounds really erm....childish from the outsider view...cause i can't really say for her...as i don't know how she really feels abt it so outsider can't say much abt it but really lah can tell her parent care for her loh....maybe no really care but worry perhaps......so again personal thought...can't say much abt it..ha

oook 2dae lucky....second day working at De Coder's Cafe frenz reading this tis come to the cafe when u r free ty...so 2dae at De Coder's a chio at work but didn't talk to her nice girl but look a bit pale...somehow...ok nvm thn met another chio bu play few game with her quite cute plus got figure...haha not bad 2 chio de liao 2dae...thn i met the thrid chio bu on the train total stranger....so on the way back home...i happen to sit beside her...look a bit bookish type....but not bad got figure as well...thn she was sleeping so i didn't really care at 1st until....her head lik keep swaying thn happen to land on my shoulder....haha....but i also not so bad lah won't take advantage...so i wake her up by shaking my shoulder.....haix felt a bit wasted but nvm lah as a gentleman this is way it is hahaha......sounded so noble........haha lol

so after tat went to arena for 2 game of pool though i started asking for this game but too tired so only played 2 game in the end...until 11 mi Ansel and Andy went off to Ansel hse to rot...starting to use "rot" in replace of the word "wasting time" ...so we rot till 12? around there thn thn went to PM to eat supper with the same old same old long time no see (in fact less thn one week) bastards and bitches.....haha jk...they are sebas wilson clar vera yt....haha nice to see them again....though not very farmilar with Vera YT and clar but still gd to see them.....plus still miss out other guys in the usual gang...lik Kok Hui, Tl and He gang.....i know one is not in singapore for the other 2 i don noe....but still missed them....

and next is the best moment i've been waiting for....3 words to summrise...." IT IS OVER" finally i let go hahahahahaha....walao now mood so high yet sleepy...but know "IT" will be back anytime have to be careful if not back to emo period..... so now keep "IT" out of reach...how do i know....when sending her back home talking to her a bit walk her home somehow the feeling last tat i last time have is no longer there....it is over WWWOOOOO00000ooooooo.... now Wah peace no stupid feeling in my life anymore....for the period that i don't know what is wrong with me...i still don noe hope is longer there anymore...somehow i got this feeling this have nth to do with her....my own prob......whatever it is i finally ended one worried or rather a prob

2007-12-17T07:59:00.000-08:00

juz when i abt to get this nick call ROTtener i got a job phew...
ok mixture of my thought and happening 2dae hahaha.......gonna to sound stupid and complicated

OKKKKK....this morning or rather aftnoon i woke at 12...2dae a special day to mi...course is the 1st day of my new job....2dae shift happen to crush with Ansel with i meet up with him and go there.....thn i got this feeling Ansel is really bu shuang (unhappy) abt my working hr compare to him....his is 16 and mine is 28 intially....but i feeling wanting to give away not give is don wan my monday night shift...so I gave it to Ansel thn become 20 to 24 sounds better to mi.......so when i reach there...i finally got MY DE CODER'S uniform WOOOO0000oooo......no bad i lik it

thn since my costumer so start to learn new game while learning Ansel start his 1st day as a kitchen stuff.....Ansel was doing something which was really so damn disgusting....Mr yap ask him to dug out the pile of left over crap from the sink thn i was curious i went in annnd it stinks lik hell....at 1st 3words keep floating out of my mind tat is " WHAT, THE and FUCK" it really stinks lik don noe what sia...lik somebody puke in there and shit there plus it is left there to rot for 2months tat is the smell lik......wah really....ccan't say ar will faint..b4 i did i went out reading rule of a game call Dogville....thn the smell start to spread now another 3 words "WA, LAO and A" start to cover my nose and read thn when they are done....Mr Yap give mi an order.....take what they have dug to the rubbish bin in the back alley.....now no words in my mind i try to stop my breath and walk as fast as i can to the back alley and throw the pile of crap off.....if i will to bring tat pile of crap right into their nose tat person will puke whatever he or she has eaten for ytd no matter is it out of their body or not......

so ya slack my way cause from 2 to 6 no customer at all juz keep playing and full timer coming for interview.....

until thn Andy come for his night shift so i went home all ALONE so sad...plus tat is this person i am gonna to scold which i don noe who is it and there goes ( FUCK YOU RIGHT BACK TO OUTER SPACE HEAVEN TO WHOEVER GOD IS MAKING THE FUCK CB RAIN) the whole day juz keep raining lucky a kind lady give mi a cardboard to block the rain didn't turn out as bad as i expected....phew....

ya aftthat i went to meet Ken and KH to watch the Warlords....nice show for the beginning the fighting and the war is nice imagine 800 VS 5000 army and the 800 won with pure Morale no help with terrain....so wah style but until the further part of the show....the Evil Part of human will reveal themselves.....no matter of the peldge they made at first in the end none of them obey and the ending is .....i should not say....find out if u r interested....so watch it

thn went home alone again haix kinda use to it already....thn on the way i saw someone tat resemble her but i noe is not with a guy at first i thought it is but on a closer it isn't.....but tat trigger something else in my messed up mind abt her.....i ask this qn to myself....what if next time u happened to see her with him....actually i ask myself b4 and i don noe how to answer....but now i noe....i will smile to myself and say "hi" to the both of them as if i'm their normal frenz....now i noe smiling do help mi but if won't make u feel better but it will make u feel not as bad as b4 smile from the heart will work better.....haha got a way to deal with emo....ha

so basically tats all for 2dae......got chio bu to see tmr haha

2007-12-16T07:12:00.000-08:00

i can't really say for 2dae cause i feel lik i letting go of her already so ya i'm happy but i still can't tell is it the end anot until the day carry on....nvm so be it....again 2dae is HAPPY ROTTING DAYYYY

tis morning playing PSP playing until i fell asleep.....enough to show that how boring is it to stay at home so when Ansel msg mi i thn woke up and ask mi wan to go out...so i i ask pool game but he say don noe thn the rest lik he msg like no reply so ya i con't to rot rot rot....thn i decided maybe i cnnt be rotting anymore thn ask Kh Ken to watch warlords tmr....thn Mr Yap msg mi the time slot...when i see the time slot....i don know whether should i be happy or sad.....cause the time slot is Mon from 2 to 10 Tue and Wed 2 to 6 Thur 6 to 10 and Fri the worst 6 to 2AM.....at 1st i lik walao lik tat i no life liao lor....but when Ansel call mi i tell him the time slot he say one wk u can earn 130 if one month 520 ...come to think of it sounds gd but i wan my lifeeeee.....also i wan the money so so so i don noe what the feeling call lah...haix somemore start tmr.......lucky during 3 of the 5 day i am with either Ansel or Andy.....guess is alright..phew

better appreciate this job see the rest of my de job like "wah so firece" is either they exchange mental for money and physical strength for money for mi i'm lucky...play my day out and interaction hahaha

2007-12-15T09:11:00.000-08:00

心痛比快乐真实地孤独比拥抱真实 this 2 phrases juz simply means sad is more true than happniess and loniness is more true thn being with frenz or the person u love.....in simple term it juz says the bad thing are more impactful than the happy things...to mi true enough all the happy thing happened to mi i can forget them fast enough thn the sad things happened to mi....juz by my prob with her it can cling onto mi from April till now.... haix....but now still on the midst of un-clinging.....close to sucess..

funny to mi enough...in the midst of letting go of her i told myself alot of things....i told myself i have to cut off whatever relationship with her no matter frenz or person i juz happen to know or even her name a complete....which is impossible unless i had an car accident and i survive and memory loss....so do the possible.....with my best...ok here comes the funny part.....whenever i saw her and on msn....i got this erm....urge to wan to talk to her...any topic will do but the main point is i missed the time when i can talk to her in the name of juz frenz...maybe not frenz yet but juz unfarmilar frenz.....the point of time when i have no interest in her.......don even noe y hahaha....but for now from what she knows what is happening to mi is like already close to impossible.....cause if i will to do so she will be naive and thought that "i still lik her wan to have her back" haha no way.....tats the only thing i don lik abt her....being too naive...lik last time i wanna to ask her out to talk and settle everything........and tats the kind of reply i got....which makes mi so damn fed up......ok now probs comes in and sit down and says "is ok tat u want things to return back to the way it was with her help.....but she don't wan to" hahaha i'm a moron (To reader : got a bit short circuit)

Life: started at 2.55
Mood:all right
Day:Emo ceremony thn rotting hrs thn still rotting away

have a really funny dream this morning....or rather this morning...i dreamt that i am using msn talking with frenz i can't really tell is who but i rmb the name it reads "Klo Frng, Aesel, Ynn Tgng, Ynng Qanig... still got somemore i can't rmb who is it...so in the dream i don't know what are they talking to mi abt...but i know i'm replying everything keep hearing the msn sound....when i woke up i heard the msn sound again so i thought " is dream sleep longer ba" but thn i realise im lying on the bed...this is no dream already...thn i look at my comp ppl are talking to mi on msn for how long i don noe...(i leave my comp switch on overnight).....

so when i woke up they are talking abt another chalet...Oh give mi a break...from the 1st chalet when i went home i sleep through a day from the 2nd chalet i suddenly become very emo from what reason i don even know...the 3rd chalet ??? scare i will die better not go oh ya an add-on to my dream which is also the cause i woke up as it become a nightmare....the person name Ynn Tgng died.....where is the horror the person still talking on msn when he or she is dead...sounds really stupid...

so after that i rot by watching anime till 8 when i am suppose to go Andy hse with juz Ansel and mi..when i reach there Andy is not at home still at Bugis so Alright i got it down not berserk yet
so i went home 1st while telling Ansel tat Andy will be home by abt 9 and i told Andy to call mi when he At home....so Ansel decide to come my hse 1st playing PSP thn we wait and wait and wait until 10 i decided to call him .....he is already at home ....so i was CCB nv call mi thn he say" after u call mi KF says is cancelled" alright thn i wasn't angry with anyone but i am so damn fed up thn i couldn't do anything but to curse to whoever lah..... i nv say name

ok one long stupid day juz lik tat...JUZ LIK TAT GONE

2007-12-14T11:54:00.000-08:00

Again i didn't spend sometime to think abt my life...all i did 2dae was to go to the De Coder's Cafe and learn new game while Andy and Ansel learn to cook....so 2dae i like already learn 11 1/2 game......quite alot sort of too much for mi to rmb all so is quite vague unless i started playing thn i will rmb the game.....as for the half of the game is called Arkham Horror....that is a streagy board game is a nice game but the horror....represent the rule...there is so much rule to abide so the ppl playing are trying to work out trying to get the game right....so if u r able to master tat game....the rest of the game shouldn't be any prob to learn but the game took ask 6hrs to play plus we lost the game...is a teamwork game...but nice

so thing carry on 2dae i didn't rmb her gd news to mi

after this 2dae somehow time really start to slow down so much for mi but really getting tiring...haix

2007-12-13T08:27:00.000-08:00

i didn't think much abt my life 2dae so skip to 2dae happening......2dae happening is alot more fun and interesting thn any other day i've been through....

so 2dae went to a job interview at at cafe named " De Coder's Cafe " opened by my sec 3 formal teacher Mr Yap, Yap Yew Hing.....well is no juz any normal cafe but cafe that has a lot of game...ranged from card game to board game...+ the board are very interesting so when going there to interview they comprise of 2 "department' the kitchen and the game facilitor....so at 1st i was thinking maybe i can try to do kitchen but on the other hand i think i might want to try something more..interactive...so i going so the outside which the game facilitor...what are my job? serve food and drinks, and teaching of some board game to the customer(did i spell correctly?) so it will involve a bit more talking and more things to learn.....best + worst part? i have to learn the game and they have 100++ games to learn provided some are popular games
lik monopoly UNO....blah x3

so during the busy time mi sebas Andy and Wil + Ansel(already working there)started playing the games there 1st game played toooo complicated we sort of skipped it thn comes a card game which involve mind game whoever are the wan nian jian chen(万年奸臣) bascially the most cunning one with innocent face will won somehow didn't expect to be mi....sort of funny that i labelled myself as 万年奸臣 not a nice labelled at all but whatever...thn continue by a another game call Cleopatra somewhere around there is a game thn start building things will earn money at 1st i thought i lost again i won.....lucky wahaha....lol.....

thn when is like nobody around (customer) Mr Yap taught mi and sebas and someone i juz knew there call yue feng(nice name eh)a new game that i can't rmb the name but the game require too much thinking tat i lost but the game i really interesting....

while we were playing the game, the kitchen trainee which is Ansel(juz transfered) Andy and Wil keep making drinks....while the rest of us playing game have to drink....i have lik drink 3 cups of Latte 2 cups of Mocha and 1 Cup of Milo....i felt lik a moron drinking so much and got myself having Headache.....haix Orh B for being Cheapstake.........

when on the way home i was lik being torture on the bumpy bus ride keep having the thought " i'm gonna to puke! " but the other part of my brain which unharm by the excess coffee tell mi hang on.....keep going on for lik abt 1hr when i finally reached JP i couldn't talk on like no strength to get up from the seat almost dying....even when i managed to get up i can't hardly stand on my 2 feeble leg...i like staggered back home thn somehow feel much better after drinking my mom chicken ginseng soup...phew tat y i'm able to write this entry

come to tink of it...this whole day i nv think abt her uptill now WOHOOOOO happy tat i can forget for 1 day this mean still on my way to forget her YES!!! looking foward a beautiful life juz have to hang on a bit more

2007-12-12T11:46:00.000-08:00

read the last line b4 reading anything in the bracket

(heartache badly 2dae.....not mentally but physically keep getting scared by the silent hill game...guess i'm a bit weak-hearted..haha..even though i completed it 2dae but still i don really understand the story..i only know it is a human scarifice sort of ritual...to summon the so call their god and the summoner choose to scarifice her daughter by buring her alive and the main char sort of save her from the fire but she is still dead but the soul is still in the midst of the ritual and the main char to stop and blah blah blah.....the story goes on....until silent hill 5

thn still i don really know what i've been doing and what is going on with mi keep getting all kind of feeling lik as if everything come at the same time.....who know how does it feel lik when u hate and love at the same time....or when u r feeling high and yet u r low or u feel happy but still emo...what is this!? don ask mi i don even know myself.... thought might be same side effect that i get away from her ? can't be i don really care so much now...

so whenever i look back at the time when i liked her so much and she doesn't even know a damn thing abt it....is kinda fun or rather something worth looking back though she doesn't know a thing but in my own world if i'm able to talk to her i'm happy enough if i walk her home i will be haha smiling to myself on the way home soon lik my so called " movitation "......movitation to what i don noe but i know i m having happy life till things got a "bit out of hand" thn i lose it.......hahaha come to think of it i'm a fool...

but nvm nvm nvm things have to come and go nth is forever but there is always a however telling mi to cherish it..... no matter what is it...and that will be the last thing i nv cherished...)
tell the truth i don't know what the hell am i writing so far reader can ignore it if u wan(provided if i have any)haha

Mood : mono neither happy nor sad

2dae actually part the gang wanted to play basketball but i was late due to my bad habit of unable to wake up in the morning until 11 or 12....by the time it already started....thn so PS lah a bit guilty liao....but haha

thn change of plan go Andy hse rot instead of rotting in our own hse....thn do almost everything there poker mahjong(somehow starting to lose interest) or PSP until 2.XX thn but lunch with Wil.....thn i went home 1st cause my mom started nagging at me already...so i went home 1st calm her down thn ran off again haha...

thn go Andy hse continue rotting...rot and rot and rot until organs are exposing already YQ thn come........ok lah better thn 5 ppl rotting now + 1.....so until dinner time lik around 9.XX thn go home dinner thn rot again until i write this entry.....now? is lik 4.20 need to SLp le

and thats all for 2dae.......looking forward the morning wish that when i wake up every little bloody annoying things will get the fucking hella of my life...phew.......

2007-12-11T07:45:00.000-08:00

for once ppl tell mi human are evil while some say human are kind in nature...but i felt that human are evil in nature which include myself and everyone i noe....cause would anyone help a stranger without a second thought....every kind act the person did is to hope to have something in return not money but maybe any kind of relationship....if a person did a kind act without having second thought and don't give it a damn about whatever return they got...so is difficult to tell whether the person is gd or evil....best thing to do keep the evil under ur mask or control...like mi....keep thinking of evil thing to do can't say obviously but i juz afraid i would did anyone of it one day.....is even more scary if the thought is overflowing haix...whats wrong with mi???!!!damn it!!

someone told mi this told mi that actually nth juz wan to start the 2dae happening a bit different if i not i'm boring myself keep starting with "well 2dae happening...etc"

thn 2dae went to visit Andy tat sick guy not saying his pervert but ill...so when his hse with Ansel only thn thinkinh tat the rest will come but nada... none did except sebas come at a later time...so i went his hse...actually his quite fine but still need rest i guess....so i and him and Ansel playing Poker until i had enough thn i started playing silent hill:origin

silent hill is a boring game to most of the ppl that are lazy to kill a bit brain cell and lik i say the atmosphere they created with the BG music is great....cause that is a way to know whether are there any demon around u...through a radio which make a kind of static sound when u r near....when the situtation got too safe, ur mind goes a bit wild thinking tat did the creepy BG music blend in to the radio sound.....plus i kana scared by the game a bit... there is this part where u r in a theatre with a lot of puppet with creepy face on it.... u can tell the colour of the the puppets compare to the BG...so is an item of a interest at 1st i saw one i keep telling my frenz this puppet sure move one but don noe when tats y is scary....met the 1st nth happening until i past by the second one...show a small cutsence....thn the puppet will try to strangle you... and by the way the puppet is hanging upside down...thn i kana stunned using the sledge hammer...keep whacking and started scolding stuff lik KNN CCB......and i realise a gd reason girls playing this game will freak out....there is this portal through any mirror to transfer to the demonic realm where all the bloodthristy disgusting demon were and they call this realm"the other world" best part? it is always the Girls' Toliet Mirror

this keep going on until sebas came... and my left eyes start to "flicker" showing bad omen... is whatever the chinese says so i thinking to time to go home...truth enough and unlucky enough i saw HER....walao lik i don noe how to describe....i can't possibly show a DL face lik "walao so sui " too rude so wave my hand to she and her and him..and say BB....after tat i feel lik hitting the wall but i don noe reason thn i told myself calm down abit relax is not so bad thn mood down.....once again i don't know what is my prob y would i keep thinking tat way....... maybe i hoped i can take it as seeing a normal frenz lik i use to c my pri sch frenz........nth special nth happen nth at all.....troubled like my usual life

erm...almost forgot this if Bann Vei u r reading this come out man don be a rainy and sunny home boy missing u already....

2007-12-10T07:32:00.000-08:00

right b4 writing this entry...i was in the toliet running cold water over my head thinking what to write for this entry when i finish thinking i went out siting at my usual corner...then i forgot what i want to write rmb a bit but very scattered....

Well 1st half of the day i went to Jurong east with the usual but only part of the gang...some to collect salary from their work some having lunch and some went to play pool then i saw her...leave her aside for the time being cause i started to feel disturbed afterward....thn after my erm....lunch then i went to play pool with the rest until only mi, Ah bug and yq..while the rest went home for what reason i'm not too sure...wil went home to take belt and shoes(his wearing slipper) for the girls i don't know....thn we played pool till like 4 thn went to the control station to wait for the rest of the gang

tats when i start to care...starting to bother mi WTF...got a bit of tear but came from my yawn~~ i guess.....can't juz face her....so at 1st i was intending to went home juz like that bet she won't notice whats wrong unless she is not a complete blur sotong.....but but but.... on the other hand if juz leave lik this it will somehow dampen the atmosphere a bit more perhaps....though i don really see myself as part of the gang.......but for the sake of tis frenz.....take the pain to carry on...if it was b4 "O" i would have went off silently...i even try to cover that i'm moody or rather emo....phew..what a day

from going bugis eating dinner to on the way home the pain juz keep adding on adding not even the silghtest sadness i've shown...so i sounded so noble in fact i'm a complete bloody moron...doing this kind of thing... for the second thought i ask myself " what the bloody hell am i doing?" haix.....up till now i still don noe what is wrong with mi

okok maybe i should stop talking abt this anymore...erm....ever since after the chalet the gang is like missing 2 person...one is TL( don't know what happened to her) and Andy....Andy is like sick after the Penang trip...so ya the gang is like quite peaceful without him...but in the fact i missed his awful singing....so if u r reading this get well fast alright.

erm... in Bugis when i by past the gift shop i was thinking"oh ya christmas is coming" so i started to think maybe i should buy something but for who... i started to think for a moment....definitely not for her but the other her...sounds like they are closely related but they are not....no special relationship with her but only like to talk to her....so tks her for listening so much of my crap.......so when chosing the present i took quite a bit of time...cause she is not the kind that will like soft toy unless it is Flounder or Sebastian....so bought a card and a present a small present....

what i'm doing now drinking my mom cooking still the best.....

2007-12-09T08:59:00.000-08:00

to tell the truth my mind hasn't been working well this few days......nv really give a second thought abt what i'm doing or what i wan to do....feel lik i'm dreaming...perhaps i keep it working for too long plus troubled by so much things no matter friendship, family and love(no really love juz can't think of a good word for it)....nv really give it a rest...even for now i not too sure what i'm writing haix....need a break......or rather force myself to have the break

like i said not thinking so much so nothing to write for my thought 2dae

Erm...all right 2dae happening is somehow hard to discribe...so to keep it short... i'm running around Orchard and City Hall with the usual gang...at 1st interview but wrong location..thn buy shirt not 2dae for mi.....thn 1st time eating at Pastamania...quite nice but expensive as well...Erm....only thing i bought is Royce White Chocolate....so nice song ar......1st time eating white choco tat taste so good.....no word to describe is juz too good...

so on the way home kinda not feeling so well...like want to faint liao maybe i too tired le....but when i reach home....i'm awake! funny....whatever it is i finally pass a day...is lik...6 or 7 days i haven't seen her...obviously is nth bad in fact it helps...tot might see 2dae luckily i didn't.. phew

2007-12-08T08:17:00.000-08:00

sometime i admire ppl tat can cry easily.....crying doesn't seen so bad all the time....sometime when ppl are having sad things in their heart tat they can't say...crying is one of the way tat they can relief.......or tell somebody that understand well enough tat what is happening to you.....but for mi.? i can't cry no matter how hard i try not even one drop of tear....almost is when i Yawn~~~;O....so alternate way...though it doesn't help as much as crying but still it helps ty guys who know what is going on...

at 1st to forget her have to stop seeing her...so someone tell mi ' is ok time will heal very thing '
ya i believe it heals but it start healing when she is not in my sight...but she is almost around all the time when i went out with my frenz...so ya i thought of isolating myself... but i overlook something....this bunch of frenz are the price i have to pay for my own friggin mistake that i make to lik her...however, the price is too high.....in order th get rid of the bitter i have to give up the sweet as well.....for this, i rather live among the bitter with the sweet.....some bunch of bastards that i juz can't give up for the sake of such things...no matter what frenz are juz something that is hard to let go.......haha kinda strange that i said this kind of things ha...is not lik the usual mi.../...

funny? can't rmb what happen in the morning....erm..........ya movie....almost forgot....i watch the Golden Compass with Dr, Kf and Ansel...well nice show but not as gd as Enchanted....somehow still early to said so cause there will still be Golden Compass 2, 3 and perhaps 4.....kinda of lazy to tell the story line

thn pool game afterward.....at arena nth much there juz pool game