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Name:Addy
Gender:Male
Age:19 this yr

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Just a place where trails of my life are left behind




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Wednesday, July 21, 2010

How can u really tell that if someone is doing the wrong things ? what if he is doing it out of desperation, and wat is wrong ? when someone is hurt then is wrong ? wat about breaking up with gf/bf ? All i know is that as long as when a person is doing something for a good reason i'm fine with that. But it goes down to the next question that wat is a good reason ? when u don't have a better alternative around the problem?
And how do a person determine which is a better solution ? this questions just keep going on and on and on, never ceased.

wat is your opinion on family ? i don't really like it. i juz feel that as long as there are bonds that stop u from doing certain things, it becomes burden. As far as i have the obligation, responsibility or duty to take care of my parents. But there seems to be nothing i can do about it now. Father always pissed mother off, Mother constantly having the tot of suicide. Somehow i don't feel supported by family, i tried to support them but they never seems to care. slowly, i do not see the point in doing so. Family are suppose to be warmth or comfort? My comfort zone in my house started from the house to my room and living room. And every weekend the only comfortable place is my bed and nothing out of it. Recently, i found another comfortable place, unsurprising, is the highest lvl of a carpark.
And this con't to a pt that i tink being in school feels more like a being in family than home, being around with friends feels more like being around with brothers and sisters. As far as my parents says the door to family will always open for mi, apparently i am stepping out of home more frequently than usual soon it may juz reach a point where is juz wish i don have to be back at all. For the care my parents shown to is becoming more like under observation. Over showing of care has become a burden more than anything, more than A lvl stress, more than study stress more than relationship.

I have naive brothers who think that they understand mi very well, and think that they can tell mi what is right and wrong and stop mi from doing certain things. i don't think they are even close to friends.

My family have become so cold that i think that there is nothing i can tell them about mi and my problems.. when i tell them my problems they will juz say things like knowing this will happen, u should do so in the 1st place. Seriously, this is no help and totally negative add-on. My school canteen auntie and uncle mindset are more forward than them. probably because they work closer to teenager.

Right now, nothing i can do about it, i can't support myself based on my current condition. and i'm determined to work to support myself during Uni.

I don't think my family is screw up, cause my brother seems to be happy being in this "family" is probably mi having too much expectation of family. I must walk out of this "family" instead of them getting out of my little world. In the end, i juz wan to do things my way instead being forced to walk a path with no reason, the only reason is probably because they think they know wat is good for mi and wat is bad for mi.
Whether, good or bad for mi i should exp myself to understand. i prefer feelings than words.

in the mean time.... this ----> :D (may be fake)

Addy wrote down Thoughts @ 8:39 AM | 0 Comments